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Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > What do you think of this? (honest opinions please)?Question:-The last kiss- Alone, in a room full of lies, Dead inside, thinking nothing more then the one I love. Grieving over what he had done. Shot after shot, the more it blocked the pain held with in me. I no longer felt good enough… Nothing more then a young self-conscious teenage soul, I wasn’t always like that, I once felt beautiful. I once felt like I had a purpose. I gave him my all, every inch of me. He betrayed me… All for what, for what That night, The night my entire life changed… The night I fucked up my life. Was maybe…perhaps the best night of my life? There I lay, knowing what was coming, what was going to happen. I lay there in shame… He moved closer. I felt comfortable, I felt love, I felt… He touches my belly, he asks is this ok? As intoxicated as I was it felt fine? I kept telling him “no, no, no” He kept trying, the feeling of his presents made me feel so…fulfilled. It felt so right, yet so wrong. He’s lips slowly caressed mine. I brush away. He tries again, I finally let go. My lips touched his, & in that moment that one kiss made me feel whole. Here’s the trick I try to deny… As I was kissing him I thought of my certain someone. When I close my eyes I can still imagine the night. Seeing my certain someone in my mind, yearning for his love that I no longer felt… Because he had throne it away… He killed it… All for what, for what, Till this day it kills me inside, because I know what’s right but chose the wrong because I know there is no way of going back in time…It’s far too late to make things right… Now, here I am… Teary eyed… Feeling hollow inside… Missing the past, hating my presents… Now, I raise my head up high. Suck up the tears, & move on. Go on living my day as if everything’s okay. Whatever right? Life goes on… It’s just going to take sometime to forget about the past. Right, Yes, that’s right. Life… Why… Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: -The last kiss- Alone, in a room full of lies, Dead inside, thinking nothing more then the one I love. Grieving over what he had done. Shot after shot, the more it blocked the pain held with in me. I no longer felt good enough… Nothing more then a young self-conscious teenage soul, I wasn’t always like that, I once felt beautiful. I once felt like I had a purpose. I gave him my all, every inch of me. He betrayed me… All for what, for what That night, The night my entire life changed… The night I fucked up my life. Was maybe…perhaps the best night of my life? There I lay, knowing what was coming, what was going to happen. I lay there in shame… He moved closer. I felt comfortable, I felt love, I felt… He touches my belly, he asks is this ok? As intoxicated as I was it felt fine? I kept telling him “no, no, no” He kept trying, the feeling of his presents made me feel so…fulfilled. It felt so right, yet so wrong. He’s lips slowly caressed mine. I brush away. He tries again, I finally let go. My lips touched his, & in that moment that one kiss made me feel whole. Here’s the trick I try to deny… As I was kissing him I thought of my certain someone. When I close my eyes I can still imagine the night. Seeing my certain someone in my mind, yearning for his love that I no longer felt… Because he had throne it away… He killed it… All for what, for what, Till this day it kills me inside, because I know what’s right but chose the wrong because I know there is no way of going back in time…It’s far too late to make things right… Now, here I am… Teary eyed… Feeling hollow inside… Missing the past, hating my presents… Now, I raise my head up high. Suck up the tears, & move on. Go on living my day as if everything’s okay. Whatever right? Life goes on… It’s just going to take sometime to forget about the past. Right, Yes, that’s right. Life… Why… You have definite talent. And as you may know, one is either "born" with such or not. Practice and dedication will refine your skills. You should definitely pursue your writing inclinations in all areas, as they appeal to you: prose and poetry. You may find this of interest: http://www.starchild.co.za/what.html Best of luck :)) Depressing. Good poetry though. Kinda Creepy, But yet very Sad and depressing. In my opinion its more of a short story then a Poem. Its more like a small Biography almost with not as much information Very good use of hyperbole. I honestly think you have good choice of words, it's a very profound piece of writing. Although it's a bit depressing,it is superb!!!!!!!! it actually quite deep im a writer myself and i enjoyed how honest and blunt you were with your feelings your expeirences and the truth about how life can really be or turn out and how sad mistakes can make us feel and change us too you did really well i my opinion |