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Position:Home>General - Arts & Humanities > Another poem...?Question: Another poem...?look into your eyes, but i cannot for i will drown there inless pools of beauty Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Interesting!!! Try to be vague. You are really straightforward with your meaning, a love poem. This is about the perfect girl. You say face a lot in 3rd stanza, and in 2nd stanza you are somewhat redundant when you say blinded and later mention eyes. leave out the last three words of the 2nd stanza. Last stanza, you say alas, but maybe finally or another word to express your happiness (i assume) the 6th stanza could be rewritten. The Idea is so good, but the wording is somewhat awkward. Maybe "I am rudely stirred from my vison of surreal beauty. My mind races, where can it be found?" or someting like that (hopefully you get the idea. you could probably find a better line) last line, could be "I have found this elusive beauty I have been searching for, waiting for me, waiting all tis time." Again, you can find a better line. |