Could you please tell me what you think of my poem?

Question:

Could you please tell me what you think of my poem?

It's too long to type here, so you can read it at this xanga website.

http://www.xanga.com/elliespoem...

just to let you know, i couldn't sleep tonight so i wrote it at about 5:00 in the morning so it needs a lot of work.

i would really appreciate any constructive criticism you can give me. this is just a rough draft so it's not its best yet. also, if you could think of any suggestions for a title i would really appreciate it.

thank you so much!! :)

<3 Ellie

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

What I liked about your poem was the authentic "voice" it was written in which conveyed the truthfulness of your experiences as the poem unfolded.

Yes, I immediately guessed you were talking about yourself but I'm not sure that worked to your disadvantage because it made me want to know more, made me feel closer to your experience.

Some of the things you said in your poem about the experience of cutting rang true as only from one who has wrestled with this addiction.

Constructive criticism? Since you were using rhyme...one of the hardest things to do with rhyming is to make sure you don't take the easy way out making the rhyme work by substituting something that rhymes well for a better word that expresses what you really wanted to say...even at the expense of not always having a rhyme from stanza to stanza in the poem. Rhyming, esp. for beginner poets, has a tendency to cause us to be a little "lazy." I.E., We work harder on rhyming structure than on being truly descriptive and piercingly right on in our expression of what we are feeling. Rhyming can also force us into "cliches," which you don't want in your poetry unless it is fully intended.

I am sorry that you had such a tough, overwhelming time in your life. I think that you had the need and the courage to write it down, understand it and share it, shows a desire to recover, grow from it all, and move on. I sincerely hope you have done all of these and if not that you are working it through.

Thanks for sharing your heart and your heart-break. I hope you are healing.