Question:
My poem, do you like it?
vision narrow, swallows spit
spoke of silence, still as stiff
palms of sweat and bled of twitch
room grew small and crowded thin
eyeless trade, in words are due
owe paid not for fed excuse
try as might, attempt return
guilty conscience, restless earn
lack of presence, here and holds
closest comfort, dish serves cold
choke of thought, stood empty, cornered
side by side sat leaving, boredom
no direction so it seems
follows opportunity
begging faithful hypocrite
pity pleads depositless
shocked in awe of same intention
jealous, broke, affords attention
selfish mood of thoughtless lines
waste her valued worth in time
lost your patience, serves you right
fraction of the retailed price
sold out crowd to empty venue
dead end me to be continued
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It has good rhythm. Interesting lack of full stops and commas like a manic stream of consciousness; 'dead end me to be continued' is the last line. It is like the narrator is experiencing a kind of dream like state that is also a nightmare.