Question:
I need poem help!?
Tell me any coments conserns or questions to this. Please, I can take harsh criticisim.
Lifes Exit, Heavens Entrance
Alone in this world,
Help we have not,
We are in an endless battle,
Forever we have fought.
Where we go after life,
One thing we know,
Are path on earth,
Will definitletly show.
Every day a stress,
Everyday a mess,
Every day I am trying to confess,
This is too much,
I can't take any more,
Thje entrance of heaven,
I'm trying to find the door.
By myself
2006
Copyrighted, so you can't steal it.
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Poetry is the raw juice we squeeze from the lemon that is life. The bare essential elements.
What that means is, once you have expressed an idea to the audience there is no need to repeat it again. In fact, in repition it looses power. If you want to express despair, you do not say "I am in despair" You paint a picture around yourself of what causes you to be in that state, then the reader can say "this poet is in despair" without you ever having to say the word.
I like your direction, I would encourage you to be descriptive
Why is everyday a stress?
What is is that you need to confess?
don't tell us, describe it and let us as the reader discover the artistry of your poetic image to realize, man this guy needs to confess! make sense?
anyway, hope that helps, keep writing!