Question:
My Poem - Please critique..?
Forgiveness
In my life the room for error is small
My expectations are so high
It seems that the times I am disappointed
Far exceed the times I am overjoyed
I believe I have been judged harshly
I know I have been too abrupt
My short sightedness has cost me
I am suffering because of how I treated you
It takes a gracious heart to open itself
And perhaps even more than that, courage
I hope that you can find these both
And make your way back to me
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Its too wordy. It kind meanders and loses the flow. A poem doesn't have to grammatically correct as long as it flows. Work on your Language, use interchangeable words, switch words around for a better flow
Instead of: My expectations are so high; try, my expectations, so high
Don't say in my life, just cut it out: It doesn't take away from the poem
Don't be afraid to use contractions. Don't write as though its an opinion, state it as an obvious fact; cut out "it seems that" in line 3
Cut out I believe, say it like you mean it, don't be scared to say this is truth
these are just some starts, I like the idea but the lang. needs to fixed