Someone please critique?

Question:

Someone please critique?

I have a story posted on my 360... I don't know if its any good, but I have a revised version on my myspace.
Could someone please read it and let me know what you think?

I also have another story somewhere on there.
both are pretty much untitiled.

myspace.com/stuffandcrap

Additional Details

1 month ago
the thing was a hallucination

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It was interesting. I am not quite sure what exactly the "thing" was but you kept me interested enough to want to read and find out more. It seems as if you might have a "way with words"...so I'd love to read some more of your creations.

Keep up the good work!!!