Who likes my poem?

Question:

Who likes my poem?

http://home.playdo.com/crowngirl123...

Additional Details

9 months ago
Please remember I am only 10.

9 months ago
And this is for homework so constructive criticism only if that's ok :)

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

..while I did like your opening stanza....the cadence was well 'punctuated' and i felt the emotion. I think using names changes the tempo of your piece in a way that distances the reader from connecting to your experience. instead of using personal names you perhaps could have written;

...' I watched as she,
and HER...
then THEY!
ALL....
THEM !!
came and went
in...and out of your LIFE!
what about
...ME?...'

thus, your reader can identify more with your emotion without impersonal names getting in the way, the reader can thus feel a connection to you. Overall Grade: a solid 'B' (only because you are 10)....pretty deep for a ten yr. old....hmmmm.......