Lend me your ear and rate my poem! Comments Welcome!?

Question:

Lend me your ear and rate my poem! Comments Welcome!?

I am so very in love with a girl from work. I tried to write a poem about her for a week, but I just couldn't say what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it. So I wrote a poem about not being able to write a poem. Pleas tell me what you think.

The Blacksmith

Like a ??smith before the flame
With words which are my steel
I set to fashion an arrow
A deliverance of how I feel

Your thought is, as the bellows?? breath
Giving life unto the fire
Into the forge, the steel doeth weep
Revealing my desire

To the steel, a siege I lay
With willful hammer blows
White hot shards the anvil sings
As I hew away the prose

Defiant steel, refusing to yield
Its edge skewed from true
No blade but the finest shall be
To pierce the heart of you

Into the forge, the steel once more
Imperfections wrested away
The arrow??s steel scoffing at me
As no muse sings today

My greatest work, yet to be done
As the forge??s fire cools
Tomorrow the ??smith will forge an arrow
To pierce the heart of you

Additional Details

6 months ago
WOW! Thanks for all your comments! Please keep it up!

6 months ago
Just for the record I have no intention of her reading it. I just wanted to produce something about my love for her. THANKS ALL!!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Ah....clever clever boy. One of the Better poems placed on this site. Very good.

change one thing.

As no muse sings today
to
As no muse to sing today