Question:
Rate my poem: what do you think?
can you ppl tell me what u think of my poem? Don't u dare steal it!! its called No Longer:
They see me,
yet they do not see Me.
To them I am only as important as would be a statue.
There to see but no purpose.
No longer.
No longer will I be that statue.
No longer that painting.
I will ride the winds, follow a tune, dance among the stars.
I will take a path,
a destiny that They will me not.
No longer they rule me.
No longer I hide for fear of shame.
No longer will my cries be deaf.
Now is my time.
Now is my time to fight.
Now is my time to wage this rebellion.
I will ride my tamed Nightmare,
cry a scream,
celebrate my victory.
I will take this no longer,
my rebellion rings true.
Now is my time to fight back.
Now is my time for victory.
No longer is it not my time.
Now is my time for no longer.
Additional Details6 months ago
thanks for the suggestions! i will look through it and make some changes.... what does everyone else think of it? i would like some reviews!
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
for some strange reason i actually liked this, and i don't like many. the feeling of passion that runs through this is what attracts me, even if the message is at times a little confused, and even though some of the lines leave me cold and seem repetitive / cliche.
I will ride my tamed Nightmare,
cry a scream,
celebrate my victory.
(I will take this no longer,) - this line could even be left out
my rebellion rings true.
this could stand by itself. strong, short and to the point. good job - keep working on it