Is this a better (short) first paragraph...i editied it AGAIN! lolz?

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Question:

wow ALOT of editing!.!.!.sorry
thanks for reading

this was my second editied version!.!.!.

My "gift" is ruining my life!.
I see things, you don’t see!. I hear things you can’t hear!. I live a life full of things you wouldn’t imagine!. It’s like I am living my worst nightmares!. Something you can’t comprehend!. Something beyond your own worst nightmares, and haunting thoughts!. My parents hate me because of it!. If I had a choice I would never have gotten mysef into this mess!. It's not my fault! They came to me!.

and this is what I have now!.!.!.!.I take EVERYone's thoughts and suggestions into consideration!.!.!.so thank-you!

I see things, most don’t see!. I hear things many can’t hear!. I live a life full of things just about everyone can't imagine!. I am living a life of nightmares Something you so many comprehend!. Something beyond all those horror movies everyone floods the theaters to see!. My parents hate me because of it!. They think I am a liar!. Like I want this to happen!. I am sure they are extatic that I am finally gone!. If I had a choice I would never have allowed mysef into this mess!. This terrible trap that is impossible to get out of!. But it's not like I could just block them out!. I didn't come to them!. They came to me and there is no turning back now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like it, it's even better than the one I suggested earlier!. The only problem I sport is that your fourth sentence doesn't make sense!. Did you leave something out!? also, it is spelled "ecstatic"!. Good job!
PS> I see you did make her run away!. Good choice!. You may want to start the paragraph with something like this or add something similar after:
I'm running!. Running from all that I've ever known, all I've ever loved!. Not that it was still the same!. Nothing was the same!. I tried to tell myself!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Something you so many comprehend!."

This line sounds a little off!. You have an interesting style, I would be quite interested read the entire story once you finish it!

If you need any help with names of people or any plot help, or anything you could possibly need!. I added a link to the place I recomendWww@QuestionHome@Com

There are still many gramatical errors!. It's definately better than the first, but it still has a long way to go!.

I like where you were going with the 'something beyond all those horror movies everyone floods the theaters to see', but i don't think it flows quite right!. Maybe try something more along the lines of 'I am living a life so full of nightmares you wouldn't be able to comprehend!. The things I have seen are beyond the most brutal horror movies that are flooding the theaters!.'

Many of your sentences are fragments - you may be going to the short choppy effect!. If you are, then go with it!. But you may want to consider making your sentences fuller!. When you are reading it the sentences go by too fast, almost like those little kid poems - she ate the bat!. she wears a hat!.

I really like where you are going with the story though, it sounds like a great idea! keep writing and revising - you have something great in the making!.Www@QuestionHome@Com