Position:Home>Books & Authors> What do you think of the beginning to my short story?

I know I already asked this, but when I write something I like a lot of opinions!. So what do you think!? This is just the beginning, and I can't think of a continuing plot line for it!. Thanks!. Constructive criticism please!. =]







Mama's sick again!. Papa says to leave her be, but her screams echo through the house like bats crying out in the darkness of a cave!. I close my eyes and ears, trying desperately to block out her blood-curdling shrieks!. She's afraid, I know she is!. It's dark, she's seeing and hearing things, she doesn't know what they are!. She thinks that by screaming she can keep them from talking to her, telling her things!. She thinks that maybe if she screams loud enough, they'll go away!. But they just grow louder and louder, filling her ears, then her head, then flooding down to the rest of her body, until it feels as if the voices are grating against her bones from the inside out!. Scratching, trying to get out, to be heard by her!. She doesn't want to listen, can't listen!. She knows what they'd say if they knew she was listening!.

She starts beating on the door of her bedroom, locked in by Papa before leaving for work!. She thinks that if she could just get out of the room, of this house, maybe the voices will go away!. She doesn't remember the other times, how even when she gets out, the voices follow her, because they are her!. I hear her nails, fervently scratching at the door, the hinges rattling in their sockets!. I listen until I can't hear it anymore, to be replaced just with moans, cries, and whines of agony!. Not from her, from my own hands clawing at my arms, my head beating against the wall!.

It's the only way I can think of to get the voices out, since screaming isn't working!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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