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Question: Would you read this story I made up called:She will!?
Once there was a girl name Amelia!.
She was madly obsessed with Jake!.
She followed him everywhere but he just didn't notice!.
One day she asked Jake did he want to go out tonight with her!.
He said NO!!! you are a ugly piece of crap!.
I got a girlfriend already we are going out tonight
go home and kill yourself!!!(btw they used to date 3 years ago)
She wasn't going to give up!.
She yelled back at him"who is your girlfriend"
He calmed down and said Cindy(which was Amelia best friend for 8 yr)
She said oh she will go to hell
she will she will she chanted over and over
While leaving she said she's not coming tonight just go home
Amelia went to Cindy's house and murdered her and her dad for raising such ****
Jake still waiting for Cindy didn't believe Amelia so he stayed
Amelia came back with a beautiful box for jake
He shook it up and said thank you it feels kinda heavy
While leaving again Amelia said that's what you want no need to wait anymore
Jake opened the box and saw his gf(girlfriend) head in the box,bloody and all

The end
If you like this story I will have part 2 comingWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The ending with the box was predictable!. The story is slightly messed up (Amelia's mind)!. And there are some grammatical errors!. I think you will be fine if you proof read!. Keep at it :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

You have some very good ideas and just keep working with it!.!.!.!.the beginning almost sounds like a free verse poem!. I find it amusing that there are so many grammar scholars for what is a rough draft!.!.!.!.but it looks good for what it is - an idea that is forming into a short story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

And she wiiiiiill be loved!.!. i hate that song and i hate your story!. Sorry, im blunt!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That looks like a bunch of sentences!.!.!. There's no paragraphs or much action!.!.!. Poor grammar!.!.!.


Or sorry you didn't ask for critique but you can improve really!.Www@QuestionHome@Com