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Question: Can someone help with my story!?
How is my short story so far!?
I have t write one in english,at least four pages in length, I have only been able to stretch it into two pages!. What more details can I add so it will be longer!. it is about a girl who gets robbed by a burgler but the cop whose calls to help her ends up being the same burgler!.


The letters VAMPKAT appeared through the pitch blackness in the fall in Los Angeles, California!. Red Pumps stepped out of a black convertible, to reveal 19 year old Annie Samuels!. It was the last day of her first college freshmen semester, and she was ready to relax and unwind after a night of such intense partying with her friends!. She was wearing a bright red dress with red pumps, a normal outfit for her!. She jingled the keys incessantly trying to figure out which one was the one to open up her apartment!. She found it turned the keys ever so slightly and opened the door!. She felt a cold chill spark itself through her body, but she shrugged it off!. She walked over to the thermostat and turned up the heat of 78 degrees!. Little did she know she was being watched with the eyes of a person with intense concentration, unknown figure!. Annie’s first move once inside her house was to pick up her favorite romance novel!. After a few minutes, she got incredibly bored once again, and walked over to her wide screen television set!. She laid down side ways and flickered on the TV find a new episode of COPS blasting on the screen!. Some guy was being busted for drugs and was slammed violently to the ground!. This peaked Annie’s interest peaked for a half an hour, but she then grew tired of that as well, and she figured the only thing for her to d now was to take a relaxing bath and unwind!. She started the water as she walked into the bathroom, and turned on some soft rock music letting herself unwind with the music playing in the background!. The water ran smoothly and quietly, giving her enough time realign her thoughts and put herself back in order!. It had been a crazy few weeks in college, what with the deadlines needing to be met and the rush season for all the nervous freshmen, including herself!. But this was her time, the time for her to relax, find herself, and be excited and refreshed She stopped the warm bathwater!. And slipped herself into the bath water calming her down instantly, she had a problem with being a pit paranoid always making herself think people and things were consistently against her!. But this night was going to be different, she listened to the music playing in the bathroom!. Singing along to her favorite words to the song, as she took her bath in peace!. That’s when the figure went into action!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Since you're copy-pasting, so will I!.

Unrealistic is the first word that popped into my head!.

Your setup of the character is so idealistic, it's not even funny!. My first impression of her, to be blunt, would be a spoiled rich college tramp, the kind who goes to frat parties to just get drunk and laid!. Your writing is so fast and running that it makes it hard to really get into the story, while your misspelling of words is likewise distracting!. You meant "pique"!. Don't start so many sentences with "She" and try to remove detail while adding real content!.

Good luck!.
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