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Question: Is my character sort of 'Mary Sue-ish' to you!?
I'm writing a slice of life story about a girl who fell in love with her karate sensei and have passion for Martial Arts!.It's sort of a slice of live because she experienced being bullied in a place where she lives!.
My character:
Name:Beverly "Bebe" Anne(don't have a last name yet)!.
Age:15-16
Occupation:Student/martial artist
Looks:Beautiful,dark,wavy,medium length hair with fair skin,red lips 5'2,baby faced!.(I haven't really though of an eye color probably green or blue-grayish)!.
Personality:She is quirky,beautiful but eccentric,somewhat of a perfectionist,she has mixed personalities which means she can be both fun and serious!.
Likes:Martial Arts,playing video games,watching tv!.
Dislikes:Bullies,being underestimated etc!.
Anyways,I imagine my character beautiful and it's kind of based on me and my love for Martial Arts!.Two guys are fighting over her and both in love with her!.One is her best friend(16 years old) and her sensei(19)!.
Does that make my character a Mary Sue!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Yes, I'm afraid she does!.
Two guys are fighting over her!? What is she, a piece of meat!?
What's eccentric about her!? Her likes and dislikes sound completely normal!. How do people treat her when she's being "eccentric"!? Is she actually eccentric at all, or is she a normal teen who believes that she's unique and misunderstood!.!.!.just like everyone else does at that age!.
And it's deeply inappropriate for an adult in a position of authority to be "fighting over" a 15 year old girl!. Unless you want your story to be about him being stripped of his authority and license to teach, I suggest you rethink!. It's fine for her to have a crush on him!. It's not remotely fine for it to be the other way round!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
When 'fleshing out' a character I also like to include
morals
ideals
beliefs
fears
hopes
strongest personality trait
weakest personality trait
flaws
quirks
obsessions
She does seem a little "mary sue-ish" but this can easily be fixed, you just need to spend more time with her and discover who she really is!. also, the answerer above me was correct, 2 guys fighting over a girl is VERY cliche!. Keep at it though, I'm sure you'll get it!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Kinda!. What are her fears!? Does she get mad easily!? What don't you like about her!?
Does she:
a!. snore!?
b!. jump on her bed!?
c!. IS she a little bit jumpy or clumsy!?
d!. does she dislike cats or dogs or children!?
Think about stuff you don't like!. This will make a problem in the story which is really needed!.
-tepishane-Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes, she is!. Make her character more realistic!. Add flaws to her personality, fears etc!.!.!.!.
Instead of beautiful, make her average looking for example, and two guys fighting over a girl sounds cliche !.!.!.!.!.
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Sounds to me like you are describing yourself!. Don't look upon yourself as a prize to be won!. Look upon yourself as you would a sacred temple!. Don't let your heart lead you where your soul can't find you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
she is a little out of character but the story is great!Www@QuestionHome@Com
!.!.!.Yeah, she does sound Mary-suish lol!.Www@QuestionHome@Com