This is a small opening paragraph that I was wanting to get reviewed!. As the story progresses more details are provided!. I just need to know if the decriptions are believable and the section as a whole invokes emotions, or at least thought!. Thanks in advance!
Toni closed her eyes and let her forehead rest against the cold wall as the salty taste filled her mouth!. Tears were hot on her face but she didn't care!. The world was spinning and the shrill ringing in her ears refused to subside!. Pain coursed through her to the very ends of her fingers from deep within her core!. Burning sensations crawled over her back, and the gash on her forehead could have answered several questions regarding the psychedelic colors swirling her vision!. She clamped her eyes shut as the rage and over whelming anguish washed away the shock that was still shaking her hands!.
A jagged breath escaped her cold lips, as she tried to wish away the torrents of agony flowing through her!. How could she have been so stupid!? Why had she taken everything for granted!? NO! No she would not put herself at fault!. That's what he would want!. That's exactly what it is he wanted her to believe!. She swallowed back a sob as a wave of nausea hit the back of her throat, the acid coating her mouth, and that horrible smell of bile filling her nose!.
She had been so in love with him!. Her world revolved around him!. Every breath she took consisted of making him her own!. He was in her dreams at night and plagued her thoughts during the day!. The first thing she thought of in the morning and the last thought to leave her mind as she laid down to sleep!. To her, he was perfect!. Her world didn't revolve around him!. No, she was wrong on that!. He was her world!. That was all there was to it!. Or at least that was the way things had been!.Www@QuestionHome@Com