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Question: I just started a new story, what do you think!!?
Preface

Why is the regret that burdens on my life so heavily exist in this world!? Does god want me in this much pain!? Does he like to damn people to there own living Hell!? Or really is this really just the seventh circle of Hell for everyone!? He could have, no, should have sent a warning!. If I could go back…once…just once I would take it back…all of it!.
The words spoken that were truly not meant, that I never took back!. I can not say I love you mom, I am so sorry!. No I can’t, because she can’t hear me, see me, talk to me, or even feel that I am there all because of that stupid drunk driver that took her life instead of his own!.

Losing(Chapter one)

I sat in the front row of the church like a lifeless rag doll!. People came up to hug me and continued to say “I am so sorry for your loss!.” “If you ever need me I am here, just call!. “ I attempted to avoid everyone’s gaze by staring at my shoes; they were stilettos, black, and the left heel was chipped a bit!. I do not know about anyone else out there, but for me, when I am upset it is better to be left alone!.
I felt a tap on my shoulder!. Turning my head I see a face that has been out of my life for the past five years, Dad!. I look at him, my expression blank yet pain filled in some ways!. He sat down by me and gave me a hug!. Obviously the need for words was gone!. After all, what could he say!? I am sorry your mom died!? It does not help when you are the dad, but then again they have been divorced for the past 13 years which does nothing to improve the current situation I was thrown into by fate!.
The silence became too awkward; I needed to break the silence “Hey dad!.” My voice croaked inaudibly, me still not hugging him back!.
He pulled me out of the hug, his gruff hands on my shoulders “Ev’s, you have all of your stuff packed, I picked it up and it is in my car!. After everyone leaves we are going to go to my house, Okay!?” He said looking into my eyes!. I nodded unable, and not wanting to speak!. I can’t believe it took mom dying to bring him back to me!.
I sat down continuing to be hugged by utter strangers that would not leave me alone!. After awhile the crowds of people thinned out until they were all completely gone!. I sat alone in the hollow church for what seemed like hours until father came to take me to his house!.

what do you think!? Is it good or bad, and punctuation mistakes, critique me please!
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'd join a creative writing class if I were you!.

The first sentence of the preface makes no sense!. God should be capitalized!. The grammar is a bit mixed up in several places!.

also, the opening paragraphs are meant to entice the reader into reading further!. They're a bit flat!.

But keep trying!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i love it! it's really good!. just remember that when you have dialogue, you need to hit return and then tab (indent) for it to be grammatically correct!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!. Really good!. Much better than 99% of the stuff posted on answers!. I really like it, I think you should continue!. The only error I see is:
“If you ever need me I am here, just call!." the quotations should be before the next sentence!.

Review mine!? http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow this is very heavy!. Yeah, watch some of you sentences like "so heavily exist" and "Or really is this really" I do not think you need the first really!. Some of you sentences I think contain too much information and should be separated so that the reader has some time to digest it all!. also I think in the beginning!.!.!. possibly you can wait to tell that the mother died!. That way the reader is interested in why the character is acting that way!. That way they will want to read more to find out and they realize later "oh the mother died" Www@QuestionHome@Com