Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Is this a good starting to a story?


Question: Is this a good starting to a story!?
(You could read the first paragraph if it get's to dull and you don't want to finish!.)

The first day of school, exciting and boring at the same time!. You do the same thing every fifty minutes: bell rings, you sit in a random seat, you say hi, you get your book, and you talk… repeat that seven times and you have the first day of school!. Oh, but wait, you can squeeze thirty-five minutes of eating and more talking between that somewhere! Joy!
Me, being on of the lucky ones, had lunch right after forth period!. I haven’t seen any of my friends since the end of last year; yeah, it was a boring summer!. I didn’t know anyone in first lunch, all of my friends had second!.
No, I don’t want to sit alone, that’s bad for your reputation!.
I started mindlessly over to someone, Sam, which rides my bus!. “Hey!.”
“Hi!.” Why am I doing this, this is probably worse for my reputation!.
“Who you waiting for!?”
“Just some sevee I know!.”
“Does this sevee have a name!?” Why people call seventh graders sevee’s, I’ll never understand!.
“Yeah!.” Yeah…!? Wow, I thought I was bad at short conversation!.
“What is it…!?”
“Jordan!.” Oh, that’s easy to remember, just my name on a seventh grade boy!.
A small kid with brown hair and freckles in a blue shirt walked up, “Let’s get some pizza” um… that’s a bad diet!.
I followed the two as they talked about something or another, I wasn’t really into any of this ‘no my rune sword is better then you copper sword’ stuff!.
I got my pizza and walked over to the stairs (why the stairs, that’s so embarrassing!?) with my lunch buddies!. No one really liked Sam, lots of people said that he was gay, and he did act that way!. But I guess it’s better then sitting alone… maybe!.
I finished my pizza and walked out side with Jordan, we walked up the hill, and sat a few feet away from the delinquent looking people at the school!. They were the kind of people that can spark some of the weirdest conversations!. Anime, sex, and drama a mountain high!.
Most of them were listening to ipods, but some were just beings idiots… I wasn’t really listening so whatever, it doesn’t effect me!.




Thanks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
No one really liked Sam, lots of people said that he was gay, and he did act that way!.

This kind of implies that being gay is some sort of weird horrible thing!. It might be better to rephrase it:

Sam was a bit of a loner- there were rumours that he was gay!. I understood where they got it from, but I didn't really care!. I smiled!. At least he won't hit on me!.

I really like your writing style actually!. You're very quick and you seem like the sort of person a lot of people would like!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. I think it's good that you use currant references; i!.e!. iPods, anime, even you rune sword thing!. I found it funny and quick, and it sounds like an interesting story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good start, very vivid!. Reminds me of just how painful it is to be an adolescent!.

One question, what grade is your lead character in!? Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, this is a great beginning for a story!. could use a little tweaking, but it sounds like something I would continue to read!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sounds like a good start so far!. Has a bit of a slice of life in it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

congrats!.a good startWww@QuestionHome@Com