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Question: Do you like this scene from my book!?
This scene was very hard for me to write!. I just couldn't find the right words to describe it!. How did I do!? Do you have any suggestions!?


A beautiful sound started up somewhere close by!. I raised my head and looked around for the source!. Of course I found none, as I sat alone in my room!. I stood up and stepped out into the hall turning my head up and down to see if I could place the source!. This time I thought that I could tell where it was coming from!.
At the very end of the hall there was a door, a door that stood slightly ajar, a door that the beautiful sound seemed to be drifting from!. I walked down the hallway as if in the dream!. The sound was suddenly the only thing that mattered!. I forgot about Holly, about William, and thought only of that enchanting noise!.
I pushed open the door and discovered that Holly was sitting on a large mahogany bench in front of a contraption that I had never seen before!. It looked like a large wooden box the surface was a glossy deep mahogany and reflected Holly’s outline in a strange blurred fashion!. The beautiful music flooded the room, filled my entire body, my heart, my soul, and brought with it a bittersweet feeling of pain and a strange sense of hopefulness!.
Holly’s slender fingers danced quickly over keys of ivory white and midnight black, pushing them down and creating sounds that seemed to pierce my very heart!. Holly swayed gently back and forth as she poured the essence of herself into the song!. I stood at the doorway rooted to the spot!. I couldn’t move and didn’t want to, for it felt as if the spell that the music had cast upon the room would break if I even dared to breath!.
I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me, wash everything away until it was just me and the tinkling song playing in the background!. When I opened my eyes I was aware that my cheeks were wet!. I didn’t bother to wipe them away as I crept softly forward!. I walked until I was right beside Holly!. She did not look up but bent lower still over the instrument and played the tune with greater force and more volume!. The rumbling music made me feel a pain that seemed to catch my heart in its claws and mangle it to the cruelest of its ability!. I reached out and touched her shoulder gently with my hand!.
Holly leaned forward so that her thick shaggy hair concealed her face from my view but the tune morphed back into a mournful haunting sound that it had been before I had walked up beside her!. Finally she hit the last key with her right hand and let the high note linger in the air!. Holly didn’t look up but instead dropped her head down onto her hands which she had pressed to her lap!. The sound of her smothered sobs took the place of the haunting melody!.
Without speaking I pressed one hand onto her back and moved it in soothing circles while she cried!. She cried and cried for what seemed like ages until finally she seemed to get a hold of herself and was able to look up at me!. Her eyes were bloodshot as if she had been holding the tears back for a long time, until they had finally spilled over; and her cheeks still glistened with wetness!. She sniffled and wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her loose white blouse and then scooted over on the bench!. I sat down beside her!.
“That was beautiful,” I said softly!. Holly sniffed again and looked down at the black and white keys!.
“Thanks,” she said!. “Aldrin’s been teaching me to play since before I was old enough to talk!.” Tears still clung to her long brown lashes and she was breathing heavily!.
“What is it!?” I asked!. I reached up and pressed my index finger to a white key on the piano!. The sound echoed loudly around the room!. I pulled back quickly, frightened of having harmed such a beautiful instrument!.
“It’s a piano,” Holly said!. She placed both of her hands on the piano’s keys and began to play!. It was amazing to watch up close!. Her left hand played a wide range of keys, jumping from one key to another much father down on the piano, then back to the previous, then stretching to another, sometimes playing three keys at the same time!. The right hand notes stayed in a closer area and their sounds were higher than those of the left hand!.
“Wow,” I whispered!. Holly looked up at me, her eyes dry at last!. With her right hand she played a simple tune, trilling and delicate!. I reached up and pressed the same keys on a lower level!. I felt joy well in my heart as I realized that it sounded just like Holly had played it!.
“I could teach you, if you’d like,” Holly offered looking bemused at my delight over such a small accomplishment!.
“You’d do that!?” I asked her softly!. Holly nodded and laughed!.
“I didn’t say that I would cut out my heart and give it to you, I just said that I’d teach you to play piano!.”
“That would mean so much to me, Holly,” I said, my voice barely above whisper!.
“I take that as a yes,” Holly said!. She started to play the song that she had been playing when I had first entered!. Tears were beginning to welWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I LUV IT!. SERIOUSLY DON'T POST STUFF SO LATE AT NIGHT YOU GET ME ALL WAITING FOR THE NEXT PART, AND I CANT GO TO SLEEP AND IM UP AND I JUST WALK AROUND MY HOUSE UNTIL I MY EYELIDS ARE BEING PULLED DOWN BY THE EYELID FARIES! YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO AMAZING!. (jk) ur awesome keep writing!. plz send me da book once ur done w/ itWww@QuestionHome@Com

Long but good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW
great story i loved that
Your a great writer
10/10Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it! :) Is is a guys POV though!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

oh the was amazing my scenes look so simply and dull compared to yours know and i feel so bad for Holly!. i just want to get in the story and hugged her!. how did they both lose their parents!?
like Amie(my protagonist for my story) she lost her family when she was eight a vampire kill them all hoping to kill the hunter who will grow up in the family amie was the only one who survived and got adopted by a nice lady who told her she could be a hunter and bring justice and blah blah!. it's great has lots of detail =DWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow that's really good!. I'd like to know what the rest of the story was about, because it's a little hard to understand without any backround information!. It's seems really great though!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like the way that scene ended, I noticed that in the first paragraph you used the word "source" too many times!. Check over your punctuation!. Nicely chosen names!. When you're done you can read over it and find your own mistakes, it always works out that way!. You seem to have lots of talent, please put it to good use!.

- LWww@QuestionHome@Com

You were a but redundant with some of your words!.
Otherwise, it sounds pretty good!. Trust me, when you finish and give it a final read, you'll probably be able to fix it on your own!. =)

A Critique for a Critique!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats really good, i like ur writing style

in one of the breaks for the additions, it said "Tears were beginning to wel eyes", so im just pointing it out to u to make sure u know

and also "I love Aldrin, really, I do, but he’ll never be my parents", i dont know if Aldrin is more than one person, but parents shouldnt be plural, unless theres something we dont know

but i really did like it!.

hope i helped! good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com