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Question: How can i rewrite this part in this ch i wrote!. NOT LONG AT ALL!!! !?
ok so this is a part from this ch i wrote!. i think its sucky!. its to choppy so how can i shorten up sentences n make it flow!. basically, how can i rewrite it!? thanks!!! btw, shes working at her new job!.!.!.!.!.!.


“Hello!? We’re waiting here!”
“Give me bread!”
“Hurry up!” all the customers yelled!. I ran across the bakery mixing the bread dough, putting the dough in the oven, and taking orders!. The customers wouldn’t stop yelling!. I growled in frustration!. “Hey lady! We’re waiting here!” said one of the customers!.
“Wait your freaking turn!” I screamed!. The customer huffed and walked out the door!. Oops!. My manager always told me that I have to be patient and calm with the customers!. This wasn’t the first time where I snapped at them!. In fact, my manager was so close to firing me before but instead, she gave me a warning!. She said that If it happened again, I’ll have to find a new job!. As you can probably tell, I have a temper!. And this job is the worst job for me to work at because of that reason, my temper!. You’d have to be the nicest, calmest person on the planet to work here!. My mom worked at the bakery as her new job!. She managed to fit a spot in for me!. She knew that I needed the extra money to pay for a new cell phone and of course, the cell phone bills!. Unfortunately, the pay check wouldn’t fit the budget so I have to work two jobs!. I have no free time!.
I sighed and leaned on the wall!. I wiped some flower off my forehead and shook my head rapidly to get most of the powder out of my hair!. Luckily, Rayne took my words to heart and didn’t show up!. I could not handle him and the annoying customers!.
“Amy! Help me with these orders!” I yelled clapping my hands together to get the flower off!. Amy looked up from her magazine, rolled her eyes, and stood up!. Amy was someone I worked with!. She’s another reason why I hate this job!. She never helped!. But there are some reasons why I want to be her!. For one, she never loosed her temper at the customers!. She’s always calm!. She’s rude, but still calm!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
As was the other part you posted, I think it isn't too bad!.

A couple of things!.!.!.it's "flour" not "flower" when you're talking about a bakery!.!.!.and "loosed" would be "lost" I'm not so sure loosed is even a word!.

Again, keep going!.!.!.I"m liking what I'm seeing!.!.!.and don't hesitate to send me some stuff if you'd like a proof read or critique!.
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