Can you please tell me what you think of my story. (only ppl over the age of 16

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Can you please tell me what you think of my story. (only ppl over the age of 16

Question:

iv just written a short story can you please read it and tell me what you think

http://www!.booksie!.com/fantasy/short_sto!.!.!.

also should i keep it a short story or turn it into a novel
i was thinking of making it the start of a novel about a mermaid who's father was going to marry her off to a trident she jhated and murdered her lover so she escaped the ocean and started living on land passing for a human

so the trident she was engaged to sings out to the broken hearted women luring them into the ocean trying to find her and murders all the women that arnt her!.
dont know how it would finish yet

but what do you think so far!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Very good- works well as a short story!. The simplicity of it would end up being ruined in a novel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's pretty good , but I do have a few suggestions!. You state her naked body more than once , I think around 3 times, and you kind of take away from the other parts in my opinion!. I would state she is naked once and the reader will understand!. The rest was pretty good and I thought you did a good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That was actually pretty good! totally had me captivated,

some seriously good writing going on, your descriptive was perfect Www@QuestionHome@Com

now that is a very good story sweetie you have did a very good job dearWww@QuestionHome@Com

i think its really good best short story ive ever readWww@QuestionHome@Com

oddly enough!.!.!.!.I like itWww@QuestionHome@Com

goodWww@QuestionHome@Com