Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Please tell em what you think?????????????????? PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I AM WR


Question: Please tell em what you think!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I AM WRITING A STORY !!!!!!PLZ HELP !?
Lily was walking down the street on day and she saw a little boy playing on the street!. The boy looked like he was 3 or 4 years old!. Lily wondered where his parents were and why was a little baby outside alone in the street!. She looked at the boy and he was happily playing with a basketball!. But all of a sudden everything changed because Lily saw a huge truck going straight down the street and honking, Lily thought that the truck would stop, she ran to the middle of the road, in front of the boy and showed a stop sign with her hand but the truck didn’t seem to start stopping!. So Lily grabbed the child and covered the head and the neck with her hand to protect him a little bit!. She looked both ways but on one side there was a tall fence right by the road and on the other side there were cars passing really fast!. She couldn’t do anything because the fence was too tall and too close to the truck and that would hurt them even more she thought!. So all of sudden Lily just turn away from the truck and tell the boy to hide and not look back!. They were both scared!. But then all of a sudden Lily feels a huge push on her back and falls!. It felt like 50 knives going behind her and stabbing her in the back!. That’s all Lily felt!.
Then Lily woke up and felt a little bit sick, her back didn’t hurt but it burned so bad!. Then she opened her eyes and saw the police, paramedics, and firefighters!. She got frightened and suddenly tried to get up, but the paramedic said “Don’t get up, you’ll be alright!.” Lily was scared she was tons of people looking at her and some were even crying!. Then she saw something red on herself, she realized, its blood!. She got even more frightened, because she did not know what had happened to her, but it all came back when she saw 4 paramedics taking the little boy to the hospital!. Then Lily remembered what had happened!. The paramedics took Lily to the hospital and Lily got an x-ray taken, and then she started to fell vey sleepy!. She knew that she would have to go to surgery!. Six minutes later Lily was sleeping and the doctors were taking her to the surgery room!. But before the surgery Lily heard the doctor saying that she had 2 broken ribs and a lot of damage to her back!. She also broke her arm!.
After the surgery she woke up in a room, and felt really bad, her back didn’t burn anymore it hurt!. She felt like she was spinning around the room!. Her back wasn’t the only thing that was hurting her, her arm was broken in 3 places!. But Lily didn’t really care, she was just happy to be alive!. She tried to remember the little boy that she had tried to save!. She thought that he had died because the hit was so strong!. When the nurse came in to see how Lily was doing Lily didn’t want to respond to the nurse when the nurse tried to ask her how many fingers she was holding up, she was asking to nurse to tell her about the baby boy!. “Is he okay!?” She asked
“Don’t worry he’s fine!” the Nurse said “Now can you please tell me how many fingers I’m holding up!?”
“Is the baby hurt badly!?” Asked Lily
“Okay the boy is not hurt badly he has some scratches on his head and a broken arm that’s it!.” How many fingers do I have” Asked the nurse for the third time!. “Four!” Replied Lily
“Thank you!” the nurse said back!.
The nurse asked Lily how old she was and where her parents are!. Lily told the burse that they are in Spain on a vacation and they will be back in 7 weeks!. She also told them that she was 19 years old!. And lived alone in a huge house!. When the nurse took the information and left!. Lily tried to get up to go and try to find the little boy, but her back hurt too much to get up!. She was so tired so she just fell asleep!. But the nurse went to see the little boy and his mom!. The nurse found out that the little boy had went out of the living room and got out of his room and somehow ended up in side!. His brothers were there and they were inside too, when the baby went outside!. They also told the nurse that the baby boys name was Joey!. His moms name was Elizabeth!. The 2 brother’s names were Brad and Brandon, they were twins and they did not have a dad because he was in prison!. The nurse also told the family about, the girl that saved Joey, Lily!. The mother wanted to see Lily, but the nurse said that she couldn’t because only family is allowed to see the patients!. The doctor gave Joey a couple of bandages and a cast for his left arm, and let him go home!. Lily was out of the hospital 8 days later!. She go home and there her whole family was there celebrating her arrival!. After the party everyone went home and Lily was left alone at her apartment sitting on the couch!. She thought about the little boy!. She wanted to see him!.
At the Werner house everyone was alright and it was quite, but all of a sudden they hear a knock on the door!. Brad the biggest brother went up to the door and saw his dad in the door!. He ran to his mother and told her that it was him!. The mom ran to the other twin and told them that his dadWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i love it!!!!!!!!!
you use good discription and i love your writing style
post the rest!.!.!.!.i am intriged
how old are you!.!.what happens
what is the signifigence of the dad
who hit them and why didn't they stop!.!.!.!.!.
my only suggestion is think about not using her name so much
Dont be like!.!.!.!.lily,lily,lily
I love it though and i want to read more
Www@QuestionHome@Com

That was very good although you may want to check your grammar, it was over all very well written!. ^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com

Great Job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You'll probably want to run grammar and spell check on it!. You'll also probably not want to put uncopywritten work up on the internet where anyone can steal it and use it for whatever they want and you have no legal grounds!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

THIS IS A REALLY REALLY REALLY GREAT STORY!. I COULDNT STOP READING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT PLEASE SEND THE WHOLE STORY WHEN EVER YOU ARE DONE TO party_likearock@yahoo!.com I REALLY WANT TO READ THE REST OF IT Www@QuestionHome@Com

What I'll put here will, I hope, be of great help to you!.
The very first sentence is written in such a 'passive voice' I didn't continue reading!.
The verbs are passive and the repetition is passive!.

Just as an example of writing in a more 'active voice' for that sentence:
"Lily walked down the street and saw a little boy playing there!."

Suggest you follow the link to Wiki below for more simple examples of active vs!. passive voice writing, and if you are really interested in 'help'!.!.!. [it says Grammatical voice] !.!.!.
http://en!.wikipedia!.org/wiki/Grammatical!.!.!. !.!.!.Once you're there, hit your end key (soon) to 'External Links,' where there is a great site you reach by clicking on it: "Online analyzer of active and passive voice in writing!."
Go for it!.
Best of luck with your work!.

ADD: If you ever want to publish a piece, it IS a good idea not to put much online about it!.!.!. though you must NOT get a copyright [!], since legally even as you write the work it is yours (just put your name and a date in the header and always keep a copy at home)!.!.!.
This is because copyright is what a publisher (magazine or book) buys!.
Read The Writer's Market, first section, a lot!.
Please don't resort to vanity press, now called 'self-publication,' unless you have deep pockets and lots of bookseller contacts or don't want to ever see your work in a store!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

When i first began reading it, it just felt as if you were telling me the plot, if you know what i mean, like you need emotion in your story!. Like adjectives, nouns,feeling!. Sentences are too short
Okay plot though!.Keep it up Www@QuestionHome@Com