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Question: Do you like the DESCRIPTION of this CHARACTER!?
I'm beginning to write a story!. Jamie is a 40 year old woman but she seems that is 25 years old !. Jamie is a very beautiful woman that has a very hot body: she has a very pretty face with brilliant green eyes, her black hair is very long that nearly arrrived to her hips, she's tall and has an slender body decorated with big breasts, a pretty *** and amazing legs!. Although this beauty she has a lonely life!.
Her "only" love is her son Kevin who was born 20 years ago when she got pregnant after a "crazy night"!. For Jamie, this pregnancy wasn't a drama, she saw her pregnancy as the possibility to have a new experience, a natural birth!. Jamie is very proud that she's probably the only 20 year old girl that had a homebirth 20 years ago in her city!.
Although Jamie is clearly heterosexual, she isn't interested in men!. In some way, we could say that she hates the masculine genre except her son!. But now things are changing because Jamie is showing her affection for her son's best friend, Victor (18 year old)!. She frequently accompanied Victor to his home and sometimes they had gone to supper outside but Jamie's son, Kevin, doesn't know these escapades!.
Do you like the DESCRIPTION of this CHARACTER!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
yes, it was actually quite riveting for me!. a suggestion, of course, if you will!?
to put this candidly, i noticed that you used to adverb very!.!.!.very frequently!. also, there are certain words, cliches, you might say, and 'got' happens to be one of them!. you didn't use it often, but it's merely a piece of advice, since even the most excellent authors (Nicholas Spark, i might say) does indeed use 'got!.'
as an aspiring author myself, i'd also like to add that this excerpt recreated here was flummoxing at a first glance!. readers generally appreciate laconic and concise word, by the way!. this isn't the case here, but just friendly advice, you might say!.
"is a 40 year old woman but she seems that is 25 years old!."
i'm not quite sure what you meant by that!.!.!.
and here:
"black hair is very long that nearly arrrived to her hips"
not sure what you meant by that, but i would have thought it to be:
black hair is very long that HAS nearly arrrived to her hips
not too sure, since i'm not what you could call a stellar elite when it comes to grammar, but, ah well!. Oh, and you said 'hot!.'
it isn't a bad adjective, but while readers appreciate laconic and concise wording, for them to create a vivid image of your Jamie, 'hot' isn't exactly what i would call descriptive!. description, action, and conversation (along with my absolute favorite, humor) comprise the backbone of any story!. since this is a synopsis, only description truly applies!. so, more friendly counseling, be descriptive (not to an overwhelming degree, but it helps somewhat)!.
and things i fell in love with at first sight!?:
Although Jamie is clearly heterosexual, she isn't interested in men!. In some way, we could say that she hates the masculine genre except her son
assuming that you meant GENDER, instead of GENRE, of course!.
Although Jamie is clearly heterosexual, she isn't interested in men!. In some way, we could say that she hates the masculine genre except her son
these sections (plus a few others worth mentioning) are what really caught my eye!. by the way, if this ever becomes anything big (which i am most certainly NOT doubtful of), then i'd like to request an email or other notification that as to the title, perhaps!? or any other information regarding your thriving story!? you don't have to, obviously, but i would certainly hold you in high esteem all the more because of it!. but so far, in your post, i am utterly attracted to your story, and do wish to hear more of it!.
cheers and happy writing, o!.O
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