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Question: What do you think of this passage!?
Short and short is, the narrator here is a six-year-old boy who just witnessed his father murdered!. Horrible, yeah, but fun to write!. This is the part where the murderers are gone, and the boy tries to help his dad!.

…‘Dad!’ I yelled in horror, rushing forward to my father’s side!. ‘Dad, talk to me!’
There was no response from Morah!. I grabbed his hand, tears burning in my eyes!. I couldn’t understand what had just happened, but I clung to my desperate belief that Morah could not possibly be dead!.
‘Tell me you’re okay,’ I pleaded!. ‘Dad, this isn’t funny!. Please wake up!. You’re scaring me!.’
Morah didn’t move a muscle!. I became deathly aware of how cold my father’s hand was becoming!. I remembered that Morah had explained to me once, long ago, how to check for life!. Heart pounding, I rested my other hand on Morah’s chest and lowered my head down close to his, listening and feeling for Morah’s breath!. So strong was my will for my father to be okay that I thought the sound of my own staggered, fearful breathing was Morah’s!. But Morah’s chest did not move, and he was completely silent!.
I shuddered and decided I was checking the wrong way!. Surely my father had a pulse!. I rested two fingers under Morah’s chin, on the soft part of his neck!.
Nothing!.
My stomach wrung itself sickeningly!. I sat down and wrapped my arms around my legs, and hugged my knees to my chest!. This fetal position did not help me, my whole body was drowning in a sense of numbness that took all but my painfully beating heart, and the sickly blend of horror, fear, and - most of all - defeat and loneliness that enveloped me!.
‘Please don’t be dead,’ I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks!. ‘I need you, dad!.’
At any moment, I expected Morah to wake up and take me into his arms!. I expected Morah to tell me he was fine, that he was just in some sort of freaky unconscious phase!. I waited for him to smile at me, but his mouth was still frozen in an expression of shock and pain!.
How could this happen!? Morah was supposed to be practically invincible!. Why didn’t he fight back!? He could have! My father was able to do anything!
My throat tightened and I looked up to the grey sky!. Morah had said my eyes were the same color, I remembered!. So were his!.
‘What did I do to deserve this!?!’ I shouted to the heavens, tears trickling down my face in broken streams!. All I’d ever wanted was for Morah to be proud of me!. I’d trained hard, I was a good student!. I was close to my father!. I loved him with all my heart!. Sure, I wasn’t perfect, but neither was he!.
There was no answer from the heavens!. A strangled whimper escaped my clammy lips and I turned back to my father’s body!.
‘Tell me what to do now,’ I begged him!. ‘Help me!. I’m so scared!. I need you to protect me, dad! I can’t do this alone! What if those people come again!? How will I survive without you here!? How will I get home!?’
I honestly think that Morah wanted to answer, wherever he was!. He would have if he were alive!. He would have reassured me that everything was going to be okay, like he always did!. But this was far from okay!.
Staring at his cold, unmoving body, I suddenly knew the answer to my questions!.
If the killers came back, then I’d be dead just like my father!. I had to make sure that they didn’t find me!.
I’d have to survive on my own, hunt on my own and learn to defend myself!.
And, I realized with piercing horror, I wasn’t going to go home!.
Though I wanted to help my father, to bury him, I knew that it would raise suspicion!. I crouched and wrapped my arms around him, saying my final goodbyes and hugging him for the last time!.
Then I turned and walked away, leaving everything I had called home, normality, and safety behind me along with the body of my father, whom I had loved more than life itself!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Keep in mind that that a six-year old boy doesn't sound like that or have that vocabulary!. But aside from that, You've got a novel in the making! Keep at it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You have the talent to write a book! I look forward to reading a sequel! ^_^

I think this is really good!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!.!.!.!.that is really good! It makes me want to read more of the story!.
Keep up the good work =]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!. This is really good!. Yes its sad but its way good at the same time!. I totally love it!. I would totally read this if it was longer and it was a book!. Keep writing!. You're good at it!. :]Www@QuestionHome@Com