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Question: Do you like the story that i made!?
Your hot and your cold!.!.!." Cassie sang on the car ride to school, while holding my Ipod!. We stopped by our Icecream hangout place, and i waved at the door!. "Hi Sims cold cones!" I kept waving until the light turned green, and we drove past it!. "We should go there after school!." cassie suggested!. "We will ride out bikes right from school," she said, as we got out of the car!. I heard the bell right as we opened the door!. "aah!" i yelled, running!. Cassie laughed, and walked!. "what!!?!" i asked, tugging her arm!. "were going to be late!" She shook her head, and let go!. "That bell, was my phone!." She said, taking her phone out of her pocket and turning it off!. I sighed and went to my locker!. "Well see you in Pre-al!" Cassie said, heading off to her locker!. Jani bumped into me while i was on my way to honors lang!. "Hey!" i said, walking into class with her!. "So, i heard that!.!.!." There was a big bang when daniel dropped her books on the floor, and jani got wide eyed!. "Daniel likes you, daniel the boy that is!." Daniel looked up as she was picking her books up!. "Call me dani then!." Jani looked mad!. "No! thats my nickname!" Melanie turned around, just in time!. I thought!. "Call me mel!" She said, then quickly turned around!. "Ok, daniel, your DD" She smiled, and went back to her seat!. I opened up my book, "Twlight" And jumped up in my chair when a really good part came!. Kendra, the popular girl, Snickered!.

(Gets trough hole day and now is at end of last block in pre-al)
"hey!" cassie says, packing up her bag!. "Remember, riding our bikes to icecream place" I nodd, as we walk out of class!.


If you like it ill add more!
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
OMG I LOVE IT!!!
lol its really good
u should rite the whole story and e-mail it to me!!! lol
its great!!!
good luck riteing the rest !!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I don't know what your aspirations are for your story, but if publication is your goal, you must correct your grammatic errors and format your story properly before you can contemplate any future for it!. Immediately at the beginning where you write "Your hot !.!.!.", you should have written you're (it seems that most young "writers" have somehow failed to learn the basic difference between your -- which is an adjective -- and you're -- which is a contraction of a pronoun and a verb -- you are!. When you write dialogue, you must make a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes!. The pronoun I is always capitalized!. Where you've written "were", you should have written we're -- identically to you're, a contration meaning we are!. Never separate the subject and the verb or predicate with a comma!. If you are really serious about being a writer, you need to study English (both grammar and style) to learn how to write properly!. If you are writing only for your own amusement, then "anything goes"! Obviously, you are very young; you need a real education before you can hope to write proficiently; if writing is truly your passion, then you will expend the effort to learn your potential craft!. Whatever your choice, I wish you luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Polite answer:

!.!.!.It isn't completely awful!. I see potential in it!. You just need to edit!.

Honest answer (WARNING: don't read if you don't think you can handle it):

No, I did not like it!. You paid no attention to even basic grammar rules, your character already has the essence of a typical Mary Sue, and you change tenses in your writing!. Basically, this story is a mess!. You need to edit!. A lot!. In fact, there are so many mistakes that I hardly get what's happening!. Work on it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com