Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> What do u think of this story i made up? do u like it or not? read it i got a 11


Question: What do u think of this story i made up!? do u like it or not!? read it i got a 110 at school for it, its good!.!?
I open my eyes and there I am, in a room filled with Egyptian treasures!. I open my eyes again and this time I’m in my room terrified of the dream I just had!. I look at the clock and its 7:57 in the morning, this is the earliest I ever woke up on a day off from school!. It was the first day of spring break and the weird thing was that I didn’t feel tired!. I went downstairs to find something to eat!. I opened the fridge but there was nothing there to eat!. I kept looking for something to eat until I found a box of cereal, so I opened the box and put some in a bowl!. Then I put milk on it and sat at the table and started eating!. While I was eating I heard a voice say, “hey Andrew, what are you doing up so early, don’t you want to get some sleep!.” I look back and it’s my mom!. I pause for a second and then say, “I just figured that I would get up and not waste the day by sleeping!.” “Well have fun” she says, on her way out of the house to go to work!. I finish my cereal and then I go upstairs to my room!. I open my computer to see the schedule of the football games I have in the first and second week after spring break is over!. I’m a sophomore in high school and I play JV football!. “wow,” I say “there are no games in the first week and one game in the second week!.” I sit back and try to think of something fun to do!. Finally I thought of something fun to do, I can call all my friends and tell them to meet at the park so we can play a football game!. I call all of them but none of them can go!. I finally come to the last person, David, my best friend!. I called him and told him to come over because we couldn’t play football so we can just hang out together!. It wasn’t a problem for him to come because he lived one block away!. The door bell rings and I go to answer it!. “Hey Andrew”, he says!. I say hey back!. We started playing video games and then we got bored of it so we started talking!. “David I want to tell you something, so don’t tell anyone,” I say!. “I won’t, “he said!. “ I had the weirdest dream, I just open my eyes and I’m in a room filled with Egyptian treasures, and it was the seventh time I had the dream!.” “That is weird,” he remarked!. Now David had to go home so I had time to think about the dream I’ve been having for the last seven days!. I’m sitting next to my window looking outside at the beautiful view of the stars!. I keep looking until I see a mummy that I saw when I went to the Egyptian museum!. It was on the window of the neighbors in front of me!. I jump up from my seat scared to death!. My mom wasn’t home yet and I was home alone!. I look at the clock and it is 7:56 at night!. I look again and as I’m looking at it, it changes to 7:57!. As soon as it changed to 7:57, all the neighborhood lights went off!. I jump up again frightened of what just happened!. I try to get my flash light that’s on my night stand, but on the way I trip on my clothes that are on the floor!. I fall down, holding my ankle because I twisted it!. I finally managed to stand up on my twisted ankle and got my flash light!. I opened it and went downstairs and out of the house!. My brain was telling me that it’s not a good idea to go out of the house, but my feet were moving and I couldn’t stop them!. I go outside and look around and then I look down on the watch I’m wearing and it is still 7:57!. I wait for a while and it’s still 7:57 so I knew my watch stopped!. I press the buttons on the watch to change the time!. I set it to 7:58 and then I wait!. After about 5 seconds the lights go back on and there is no mummy on the neighbor’s window!. I look at my hands and the flash light is not there!. I go back in the house and in my room and the flash light is on my night stand!. I shake my head to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but I’m sure it wasn’t a dream because my ankle still hurt from when I tripped on my clothes!. I lay down on my bed and start thinking about what all this meant!. I finally call David and tell him what happened!. After I told him the whole story I took a deep breath and I asked him, “did you see the mummy on the window and did you know that the lights in the whole neighborhood went off!?” he doesn’t answer at first but then he said “ what mummy and the lights were on the whole time!.” I open my mouth and eyes wide and say “What!” “I will have to go to think about this and try to solve this whole mystery!. As soon as I hang up I get my flash light and open it!. After that I go sit by the window, looking at the neighbor’s window!. I sit down and I look at my watch and it’s 8:22!. Then I started planning on what I’m going to do when I change the time back to 7:57!. I change it and nothing happens even after I waited five minutes!. I look at the neighbor’s house that had the mummy in it and the mummy is not there!. I look at the driveway of the house and the car that never moved is not there!. That means that the person who lives there is the mummy and he becomes a mummy when it’s 7:57 in the morning and at night, but why does it have to be 7:57 that’s the quesWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ah, come on guys, he's not presenting it as something he wants to publish; it was a story for class!.

Kevin, darlin, let 'em throw me off Books and Authors if they want to but I liked it and obviously your teacher did, too!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ok, that was really!.!.!. how do I put this nicely!.!.!. bad!. Dude! This would be gold!.!.!. if you had some more!.!.!. IKD pzazz some creativity in it, and learn some more on Egyptian history, do more with Ra or Isis than the treasures!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, you have some imagination, and this story is very weird, but it needs a lot of work!. Stories usually have more than one paragraph, and a plot!. It isn't enough to be weird!. Right now, that's all you've got!. If you want to write, please learn how!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sorry, what grade are you in!?
not very good ;(Www@QuestionHome@Com

um!.!.!. what grade are you in!? Sorry, not goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

Too late! UndercoverAngel took my answer!.

I usually don't read these, and this is one reason why!. Besides verb tense issues, redundant sentences/words, bad grammar/punctuation, and ridiculous dialogue, there is nothing to the story!. At all!.

Next time, read your stuff before you post it and fix any mistakes!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's ridiculous!.!.!.no offence!. What did you get 110 out of!.!.!.!.1000!?!?!?!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com