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Question: Letter from birthmother to daughter!?
part of an english project, not real life
please no more people telling me I shouldnt have chosen the topic, I'm not going to change my mind
answers from the point of view of an english teacher would be especially useful:
Dear Daughter,
I remember the day you were born!. You were so small, so perfect!. A beautiful, screaming human being!. I was in awe; this life had come from me! In that moment, your tiny fist clenched around my finger, you were all that mattered!. In that moment you were mine!. All my fear and anxieties floated away and were transformed into intense love for you!.
But as you looked up at me with your deep brown eyes, so innocent and trusting, the responsibility hit me!. I could never have given you all the time and attention you deserved!. I could never have offered you the support you needed!. As I looked down at the beautiful baby in my arms, as I looked down at you, I knew that you deserved to much more than I could ever give you, so much more than me!. You had such potential, you could have been anyone you wanted to be and I was determined that you would have the opportunity to do everything you ever wanted!. If I had stood in the way of your future, I would never have forgiven myself!. I could not offer you all you needed to fulfil the potential God had given you; I was going to have to step aside!.
You were so tiny, you needed so much care and I simply could not offer you that!. I loved you, loved you more than I ever knew was possible, but you have to understand that it was because I loved you that I gave you away!. That is not to say it was an easy decision; the moment I held you all my previous intentions went out the window!. You were my baby and I wanted to hold on to you forever!. You will never know how much of a failure I feel that I was unable to provide for the person who needed me most!. I have never forgiven myself!. It was the right thing to do though, the only thing to do!. I had nothing to offer you, darling, and I hoped that someone else could offer you a better life!. I remember looking at you for the last time, examining every line of your face and every curl in your dark hair, determined to remember every detail!. As I looked at my beautiful baby, at you, I thought about your adoptive parents and I remember thinking they were going to be the luckiest people in the world!.
I don’t know how much you have been told about my circumstances at the time but I was 16 when you were born, younger than you are now!. I was still at school and, although I was certain I didn’t want an abortion, I couldn’t face the idea of raising a child!. When I held you for the first time I desperately did want to raise you, the thought of missing out on you growing up made me feel sick, but I knew that at 16 I was far too young to cope with a child!. Your father left me as soon as I told him I was pregnant, I have not heard from him since and have never tried to contact him!. Of course if you are interested in finding him then I will help you as much as I can, but I have no idea where he is now and he has not heard anything more about you!. I hope this makes my decision easier to understand and that the life you have lived has been everything I hoped it would be for you!. I hope your adoptive parents have offered you what I could not and given you everything you need to be the strong, independent young woman I envisage you as!.
That was 18 years ago!. I have thought about you every day since; often at night too, in my dreams!. Where are you now, my darling!? I am 34 now; I have no children and am not married!. For a long time I felt that to have children now would be to betray you, after all if I could not care for my baby all those years ago I did not deserve to have children at all!. Now I do dream of having children one day, but feel that I must make peace with you first and tell you how much you mean to me, have always meant to me!.
I fully understand that you have your own life and that I cannot expect to become a part of that overnight, but I am your mother and I would love the opportunity to build a relationship with you!. If you choose not to contact me I will of course respect your decision but always know, my angel, how much I love you!. Just because I wasn't standing next to you doesn't mean that I wasn't with you every step of the way!. I only hope that the dreams I held for you have been realised!.
Your loving mother,
Natalie
please be honest but not rude, thanksWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I was adopted at birth, and to read this letter brought a tear to my eye, fortunately for me i found my birth parents, they were apart at the time,but now live happily together and had a beautiful baby girl 2 years ago!.
This letter seems honest, although i would leave out the part that you were with her every step of the way, if i was to read that from my birth mum it would make me feel a little angry because she wasn't there every step of the way, my adoptive parents were!. I feel i could forgive this mother but some parts feel like the mother wants sympathy, id write more on how you'd like to get to know your daughter and leave out the bits about her dad, that should always be done face to face!.
But overall i think You have written a beautiful letter
Well DoneWww@QuestionHome@Com
if i was that girl who was reading it i would be insulted for that person to call me her daughter (dear daughter) i would be like what right do you have to call me daughterWww@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, i know it isnt real but that really brought a tear to my eye!. *Damn, my mascara is running
Well Done!. A Star for youWww@QuestionHome@Com
That is a beautiful letter!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A beautiful screaming human being!? I gave up after thatWww@QuestionHome@Com
Okay!. Here goes nothing in an attempt to correct how you don't get it!.
"All my fear and anxieties floated away and were transformed into intense love for you!."
Wrong!. Every fear and anxiety is there in that moment!. Any woman who has given birth and had a baby put on their belly for the first time is in absolute shock and awe!. But a relinquishing mother has that much more emotion of this is not mine, and every fear and anxiety is there!. If it all melted away, then she would not be relinquishing!. AKA in layman's terms as the birthmother who changed their mind!.
"But as you looked up at me with your deep brown eyes,"
Newborns are not born with brown eyes!. They are grey/blue and eventually in the first year change to brown!.
"the responsibility hit me!."
Nope!. By the time of the birth the adoption industry has done an amazing job of turning an expectant mother into a birthmother!. By that time there is no responsibility hitting me!. It's knowledge from the birth that this child is not hers and the child already belongs to someone else!.
"I loved you, loved you more than I ever knew was possible, but you have to understand that it was because I loved you that I gave you away!."
The most f-ed up thing to say to an adopted person!. Love = abandonment is not at all what a woman would want to write to their child 18 years later!.
"I was still at school and, although I was certain I didn’t want an abortion, I couldn’t face the idea of raising a child!."
Usually this isn't true!. Most of the pregnancy is wrapped around thoughts and daydreams of how to keep the baby and parent!. It's not about facing the idea of raising the child, it's about how the resources to parent aren't apparent and aren't coming together!. Relinquishment comes from bottom of the barrel, no where else to turn feelings!.
"I am 34 now; I have no children and am not married!. For a long time I felt that to have children now would be to betray you, after all if I could not care for my baby all those years ago I did not deserve to have children at all!. Now I do dream of having children one day, but feel that I must make peace with you first and tell you how much you mean to me, have always meant to me!."
Again, this is a f-ed up thing to say to an adopted person!. Many times the child is adopted to heal the infertility of their adopted parents and it's a heavy burden growing up!. Now you are telling the person who has to heal that insecurity they must come back and heal you too!? =oP
That all being said, writing fiction written from a mother who relinquished point of view is very very difficult to get an authentic feel to it!. This will never be what you hope it to be because you are getting mad at the conflicting answers instead of sucking it up and learning from them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good letter!.
My own opinion - leave the father part out of it!.
And you realize that unless the child inquires this is one of those letters that you never mail!. Or you simply put "To: My Daughter" with no street address on the envelope!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
You have some excellent crit in this thread!.
From a purely personal standpoint, I think this letter could heal a lot of hurt for an adopted child who grew up wondering why someone "gave them away"!.
And I think you have some potential for writing!. Putting yourself in another person's shoes is tough!. You did well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
"Just because I wasn't standing next to you doesn't mean that I wasn't with you every step of the way!."
That part needs some reworking!. Again, I can only offer an AP persepctive not an adoptee one, but that may be offensive to some adoptees because their first mom was not with them every step of the way!.
IMHO, I would leave the part about the father in there; if you are writing this letter to give your child that you don't know if you will ever meet her background, give it to her!.
Other than that, good letter!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh it's making me cry, I'm ready to go snatch my little boy out of his bed and cuddle him protectively :(
It's a great letter, but you don't want to say all that about the dad!. In reality it would hurt the child to know that her father didn't want her, and if that kind of pain could be spared perhaps it should be!. I would say the letter is a purge for the mother rather than an informative letter to the unknowing child!. It's a sort of Dear John that let's out all those years of hurt!.!.!. it depends on the angle you're going for with your project but it's very good :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Leave out 'screaming'!. Get rid of 'as I looked down at the beautiful baby in my arms' - it takes away from the immediacy of the situation!. Same with 'so much more than me!.' Mmmm - how did the mother know the baby had 'so much potential!?' Maybe 'without me you could have been anyone'!. Why all this past tense though!? Have a think about that!. See the difference if you change the tense all the way through!. Becomes much more alive!. Get rid of 'as I looked at my beautiful baby, as I looked at you' You only need 'as I looked at you'!. Again though - think of the immediacy of writing - as I look at you - as if you are writing this on the day the baby was born!. From 'That was 18 years ago is lovely and doesn't need to be touched!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I have read both of your letters and they are both beautiful, but I feel that you have written the kind of "fairytale story" that we all want to believe about adoption!.
Reading your stories, both parties want to be reunited with the other and they are both totally happy with the situation, from experience I know that this is rare!.
On the part of the daughter, there is bound to be some kind of anger/frustration there because her mother gave her away!.
Both letters brought a tear to my eye though, you write very well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think it's good but i didn't like the end bit about the mother being with her every step of the way - if the child is supposed to get this letter then it would be extremely patronising to hear that (just saying)!. if she doesn't get the letter and this is just a way for the mam to get her feelings out then it's ok!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the this one better than the one from the adopted child to the mother!. It sounds like something my friend would write!. She gave up her toddler as a teenager because it was too much for her!. She was unwed and living with her parents and couldn't handle it!. Her daughter that she gave up for adoption is beautiful, athletic and a straight A student!. The adoptive parents have been very good about sending her updates on her daughter and sending her pictures!. This girl could be a model, she's so pretty!. The letters from the adoptive parents stopped coming when this girl turned 18!. My friend located her daughter and has written her many times but she does not write back!. This hurts my friend a lot!. She has a 10 year old but still wants to know her other daughter!. I have two cousins that are adopted that tell me they have absolutely no interest in locating their birth parents!. Is this a double project!? Or are you doing one letter only!? I think this is the more convincing!. I would tone down the emotion on the other letter because I know that my cousins would be much more reserved if they attempted to communicate with their birth parents!. This one is great, though!. Www@QuestionHome@Com