Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> How is this opening to a short story?


Question: How is this opening to a short story!?
I was thinking of maybe having the same 1st and last paragraph to open and close the short story!. I have to stick to 1000 words, so I don't have much to work with!. Anyway how's this!? Please be honest, it goes towards my final grade!.


"All it took was one second!. One moment of panic!. One slip of the wheel!. One missed beat!. One twist of fate!. It took so little!. It took our lives!."Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I actually like this technique!. Dean Koontz uses the repetition of short sentences in his Odd Thomas series!. In that capacity they are thoughts of Oddie and he is a simple man and though he thinks in such an abstract way he still uses very simplistic though patterns!. It was keeps him grounded!.
Without knowing what the story is about I think 'OUR' stood out so that whatever this one short, small thing is, it hurt a group of three or more!. I took from it something like a vampire attacking this group and changing these people hence the taking of their lives and yet they are telling the tale!. Upon closer reading I'm thinking drunk driver because of "one slip of the wheel" or driving on a road slick with rain and careening off the road off of a cliff!.
Of course this is the perfect way to start the story a type of prologue and epilogue!. I happen to like the device of starting at the end or ending at the start!. For me this is a very good start and finish!. I am lured into the story on a quest to know WHAT happened in that one second, and why panic and who's slip of the wheel and how much is so little!. You present a real and jarring picture that gives you, as a writer so much leeway!.
If you think in terms of a police report (only the relevant facts) you should be able to keep it at 1000 words, in this case flamboyant description is a detriment where stark bleak directness should be beneficial!.

J!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds too clipped and there are too many periods!. There are also sentences you don't really need!. With a 1000 word short story, you need to get to the point!. You also need semi colons!. Try: "All it took was one second; one moment of panic!. Just one slip of the wheel!. It took so little; It took our lives!."
Just a suggestion :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really had chills running up my arms! You might have used one too much, perhaps not have so many sentences and use the commas fir what they are for!. Other then that, I think it's a great start! Www@QuestionHome@Com

Can you post the finished work when you're done!? :]Www@QuestionHome@Com