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Question: Could you please read my story!? !?
Hello (: I'm a thirteen year old girl and I love writing; could you possibly read my story and give feedback!. Be critical, I can take it!. I've copied and pasted the prologue to it here, if you're interested enough to read on, you'll find links to the other chapters here: http://www!.abctales!.com/set/castlesinthe!.!.!.
they're not all in the right order, but if you know your Roman numerals, you'll get by!. (:
Thanks so much!.
______________________________________!.!.!.


PROLOGUE - Balloon

She stood on cold stone!. Her gaze sought something in the distance!. Her gaunt, honey-coloured fingers clasped the leash!. It was a normal balloon, held by a girl who could no longer relate to it!. Spherical and smooth, a vibrant ruby shade!. Imprisoning the helium with a strange, volatile power!. It hovered in the choked air above, taunting her!. It danced a forgotten waltz, floating half-heartedly!.

What was I thinking!?

She let out a breath; a slow one!. It quavered!. Her hand trembled!.

She remembered what she had come here to forget!. She shivered!. The thin fabric of her dress wrinkled!.

A breeze carried the distant laughter of children towards her, almost too quiet to hear!. Her soft, brown hair danced in the wind; twisting and tangling as if were moving by no force other than its own!.

Then she heard a voice rippling towards her over the solitude!.

“Are you alright!?”

Her throat closed up as her breathing cut short and her heart shattered!. She stretched her lips, smearing an artificial smile over her face!. She started shaking!. Her hands and her lower lip trembled!. Her own body was betraying her!.

She wanted, ached to tell him!. Please!. It’s not like that!. I’m!.!.!.normal!. Her own mouth deluded her!. Had she spoken out loud!?

His smile faded!. He looked at her anxiously and backed away!.

The stars chased him away!.

She crushed a half-born sob, rocking backwards and forwards on the icy stone ledge!. I am normal!. I am normal!. I am normal!.

What is normal!?

She let go of the balloon!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
*Jaw drops open* whoa that is really really good, especially if your 13!!i would have thought it was by an older reader, for some reason i was quite pulled into the story and found myself lost in it, i think you could improve a bit by repeating less, like when you kept saysing she at the beginning of some sentences, to me, repetition makes it kind of tiresome to read, but hey, thats only my opinion! i have to say you have a great gift, i love the way you describe and write just by reading that, keep it going, you totally rock! oh and if you ever publish a book, let me know !! :)


hey, i like writing too btw ^_^ im guessing you like reading too, have you read twilight !? its AWESOME !! lmao

well, take care :)
-Huza
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This is brilliant, more so because you are only 13 years old!. I clicked on the link you gave, to read more, but it wouldn't open the page for some reason!.
Keep writing like this and you'll be a famous author one day, for sure !
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I've just read the prologue!. You are talented, and should certainly be encouraged to do this when you feel like it -- the more the better!. I've written a novel myself!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm 13 too and I found it very boring!.!.!.
It doesn't appeal to me and I can't find a plot in the story!.!.!.the words are jumbled and twisted!.!.!.no explaination!.!.!.!.I'm really sorry!.!.!.I can't say anything more!.!.!.

Sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

not bad! make sure to Proofread for spelling, punctuating, and spacing! Www@QuestionHome@Com

your `3
im 13 to and i cartn write nearly as half as good as that!.
BUt it dosnt really tell you what its about
like it could be about anything
it dosnt say
xWww@QuestionHome@Com

Sounds goodWww@QuestionHome@Com