What do you think of this experiment?

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Question:

"Heat oil to three fifty!. Marinate halibut in dark beer for one day, then lightly dredge in panko and fry!. Toss cleaned baby spinach with fresh bacon bits, sharp cheddar cheese, small tomatoes, salt, pepper, oil, and vinegar!. Blanch home cut potatoes then coat lightly with finely ground corn meal, nutmet, and a pinch ground red pepper flake!. Serve buffet style with buckets of ice cold Killian's!. String balloons from tables, light citronella candles, and cue music!. Now wait!."

Fifteen minutes he walks through the front door, she grabs his hand and marches him out the back door where friends and family yell, "Surprise!"

He pulls her close to him and whispers, "I've been reactivated!. I have to leave in two hours!. I love you!."

She stands!.

Everyone watches him drive towards the airport!. No one eats or drinks!.

She packs up leftovers and cries herself to sleep!. Again!.

Do you like it!? I'm wondering about the present tense, but I think it makes it more immediate, what do you think!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

she stands!? when did she sit!?

everyone watches him drive towards the airport!. hmmm!.!.!. I think everyone watches him LEAVE for the airport might be a better visual!. He arrived at the front door, the people are in the backyard apparently!.

no one eats or drinks!. Okay!. She packs up the leftovers and apparently goes to bed!. Are the people still there!?

Picky, I know, but it's those kinds of things that can make a break a story for me!.

As for the recipie and preparations for the party!. Really isn't needed in that kind of detail for the scene!. It would be enough to say she'd worked hard all day fixing a special dinner and setting up the decorations!. However, the description of preparing a meal is good otherwise!.

Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's really, really good!. I love the present tense, it does make it more immediate!.

The only thing that is bothering me is the recipe, which really doesn't matter!.

I really don't think you can marinate fish for a day, it'll turn all disgusting!. More like thirty minutes or an hour!. And it isn't a good idea to serve fried fish buffet style!. It'll get all mushy and cold sitting there!.

If it's a real recipe, sorry!.

It's nutmeg not nutmet!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm not sure what this is, but the food is making me hungry!.

LOL!Www@QuestionHome@Com