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Question: Am i a good writer!.Read this short paragraphe and tell me!?
I stood in front of our house!. A wooden, squared, bulky house, with a red bricked chimney !.The stench of dry ember indicated that it didn't witness any kind of smoke, even on winter's most pinching nights!.
The coldness that dwelled in my mother's and my heart was lurking inside since a very long time!. three years have passed since his death!. My father he died !.I can't help thinking of his aquiline face !.sturdy, broad chest, where he used to hug me!. And when he kissed me ,his brown,thick moustache tackled me tenderly on my plumb cheeks!.
Tears rolled the moment his voice echoed in my head
"take care , I love you jake"

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your a good writer your a great writer!. you use descriptive details and definitely hear your voice plus your showing emotion, like the way you felt!. Very good piece of writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

No!. I think you're trying too hard!. With first person you adopt the voice of the character!. People don't talk like that, so a believable character won't talk like that!. You should research what the term "marker" means in writer's jargon - it relates to description for characters, setting, etc!. It will give your writing a more readable quality!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You are using words in the wrong context!. Ember means live burning coal or smoldering remains of a fire!.

Your will also need to address the abrupt sentences and punctuations!.

Be careful not to repeat words so close together!.

Just keep working on it!. The more you write, the better you will get!.


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This is exactly the way I write, I would like to talk to you more about this so I am adding you as a friend!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

From that short paragraph, I gathered that you seem to enjoy using tons of description!. Really, readers today hate endless descriptions, but fawn over fun verbs and adjectives used SPARINGLY!. I mean, come on; do we really need to know that his brown, thick mustache tickled you tenderly on your plump cheeks!? You're really laying it on thick!

Here's a rewritten version of your paragraph with a bit less description/loads of adjectives:

I held myself erect, staring at our wooden house!. Its red-bricked chimney did not emit any smoke, even though the winter air pinched at night!.
Coldness had been lurking in my mother's and my heart for three years; the three years since my father had died!. I can't help remembering his aquiline face, and his broad chest, which used to envelope me when we hugged!. And when he used to kiss me, his mustache tickled my cheeks!.
Tears began to fall the moment his voice entered my head!.
"Take care!. I love you, Jake!."

Much better, right!? And all I did was take away some adjectives and change up a few verbs!.

Now, I'll share a tip with you!. Pick up a thesaurus if you don't already own one, and begin to use the verbs section!. Don't even LOOK at the adjectives/adverbs section!. This will really help you get away from sentences like "And when he kissed me, his brown, thick mustache tickled me tenderly on my plumb cheeks!."

also, here's a great website I use daily: http://www!.deannacarlyle!.com/articles/ve!.!.!.

It lists tons of alternatives for common verbs like "ran" or "took!." Use it in good health!

By the way, don't take this constructive criticism the wrong way!. You definitely have potential, and with a few simple changes, you could go far!Www@QuestionHome@Com