these are just snippets of a story im working on!.!.!.just give me feedback thanks!.!.!.
random paragraph #1
“No, Ashe! Ashe!” I grabbed the tail of his shirt and pulled so hard the weakened piece of clothing ripped apart!. Through the collapse of his shirt, I saw every wound on his body!. His body was like a flash of a violent rainbow!. His bruises, wounds and cuts were of all different colors!. Hues of blues, shadows of blacks, shades of reds and smudges of purples!.!.!.Such malevolent colors collided with the soft eggshell coloring of his body!. Those wicked marks made his whole body similar to that of a horrific painting!. They were forced on almost every spot of his being…!.It made me sick!. The whole thing made me want to vomit!. It wasn’t Ashe…it wasn’t his bruises…it was his father!. It was his father that sickened me so!. A father…a father was supposed to love his child…not beat the hell from him!. Bruce obviously wasn’t a father to Ashe…I don’t think I would even refer to him as his father anymore!. He was my worst enemy and Ashe’s rotten dictator!. The sight made me grimace harshly while tears stood in my eyes!.
random paragraph#2
What I saw reflected in his eyes shocked me in my heart like a lightning bolt to a lonesome tree left out in a storm!. His eyes…his green eyes were wet with tears!. Little puddles were in his eyes and tiny drips were falling out of them!. They crawled down the hills of his cheeks and into the onyx-colored forest that was a beard on his precious face!. The tears soon made their way to the bridges of his chin only to slip and fall off!.
Ashe ripped away from my clutch and faced away from me!. “Shut up!” He yelled with a broken voice!. “You don’t know anything! How can you understand!?! Just shut up…Don’t try to play the voice of reason…it ain’t gonna work this time…” He muttered coldly!. “Don’t you dare think about pitying me, you son of a *****!”
random paragraph #3
As I took the last sip from my coffee I saw Bijou and another girl walking pass my house!. It seemed like even in the winter Bijou still looked beautiful!. She had on a fluffy black coat with a warm white scarf wrapped around her neck!. Her mittens and boots were white while her cute hat was black!. The girl beside her was coated in blue and yellow!.
“Hey, Ashe…There’s Bijou!.”
Ashe looked up from his plate and walked toward the window!. “Who is the girl she’s with!?”
“I dunno!. But I do know I wanna have some fun right about now!.” I told him as I grabbed my mittens from my jacket pocket and put them on!.
“Oh, I see what you’re thinking…” An evil smile spread on his face while he grabbed his gloves as well!.
I wickedly laughed as I opened the door and ran outside!. I picked up fresh snow from my lawn and curved it up nicely!. I then launched it at Bijou, the snowball hitting her in her back!.
She screamed and turned around with an angry face!. “Silence! What the hell was that for!?”
“You tell me! You’re the one walking pass my property!. You shall be punished!” I hollered in a triumphant voice!. I picked up some more snow and rounded it well!. I pitched it at the other girl and she screamed, startled by my actions!.
“Damn you! You’ll pay for that!” Bijou screeched in vengeance as she scooped up some snow and threw it at me!. I dodged it nicely while Ashe casted another one her way!. It hit her square in the shoulder!. Bits of snow fell on Bijou’s face and neck!. “Ow!”
“Hey!” The other girl yelled as she threw a snowball at me!. It crashed into my leg and I felt the small icicles melt in my skin, freezing the flesh!.
“Oh, wow, I think my leg is numb from that!” I laughed while shaking it!.
“That isn’t all that’s gonna be numb!” The girl shouted as she threw another at Ashe!. It hit him in the stomach and he fell to his knees on the sheet of snow!.
“I think we should retreat…!.she’s a monster!” He uttered weakly!.
“We can take her!. Get up…!.and hurry…she’s about to throw another one!.” I told Ashe as I dragged him up on his feet!.
Ashe picked up some snow and threw it at Bijou!. She dodged it and counterattacked with her very own snowball that hit Ashe in the face!.
I couldn’t help but laugh and while I did I dropped my weapon!. “How could you let her hit you like that!?” I cackled!. “You’re pathetic!”
Ashe wiped the snow from his face, which was now reddened from the blast of cold!. “Shut up…Get off my case…I just ate!.”
I laughed harder at his face and got hit in the neck myself!. “****! That’s cold!”
I heard Bijou and her friend giggling loudly!. “That’ll teach you to start a war you can’t finish!.”
“Shut up! We took it easy on you women!. We are merciful to your trespassing souls!” Ashe hollered in a shivering voice!.
Bijou laughed tauntingly at Ashe!. “You wanna go another round…without the mercy!?”
“No! We want a truce!” I cowardly said as I limped over to Ashe for warmth!.
“What do you have in mind!?” Bijou asked with her interest piqued!.
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