Question: Read my story real quick !?
I served in WWII
The Start Globe of Warfare
The blood squirted everywhere!. All the Marines covered their faces
Another one was smashed down to the floor and the same process happened!. " Why
Did I join this war!?" Many of them thought!. Finally a young boy, Pvt!. Rick who cried at
that site was forced down and killed!. Now the swordsmen who of course loved blood
took one of the heads and smashed it and stomped on it!. The Jap was yelling in a
Jap like geberish!. I felt sick at the sight!. This was a person I was serving with!. I throw
up!. Now it was my turn to get my head chopped off by a sword!. I was forced down on
a wooden rest for my head!. His sword slashed at me!. I cried waiting for pitch
black to surrond the area!. His cold steel rested on my neck!. It didn't hurt me!. I got up,
but was grabbed back down!. I heard yells and screams of fellow men being stabbed by a
by a knife the size of a ruler!. I was then knocked out cold and woke up somewhere in
Nazi terroritorry!. I had no guns, just fists and feet!. I knew I had to escape this strange
city!. The man felt like him taking German classes had now saved his life!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Be a little more specific in your imagery!. Painting a picture is key to a story!.
Avoid the word, "that!."
Utilize commas, spell check, and the italics button!.
ie: Blood was coming from everywhere!. It surrounded all of us!. I was a Marine, and I still felt a little squeamish--all of us did!. We had to cover our faces!. Another body hit the floor beside us, inciting the same reaction all over again!.
(Italicized)'Why did I even join this damn war!?' I knew we were all thinking the same thing!.!.!.!.!.
And so on!. Just get into the story a little more!. Get details!. Make the reader believe it, get inside the character's head!.
Hope this helps!
(It's actually not a bad story, so keep it up!)Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is just slightly confusing b/c it is all over the place but if you add a little more description it would be great other than that it is cool!. i love war stories they are the best!.
P!.S i would have totally read this book for my research paperWww@QuestionHome@Com
Whoa, that was descriptive!. I could see everything in my mind by the time you finished!. Those people who slice peoples heads off sound crueler than I thought!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's very gruesome!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW! Um, i think, honestly it wasnt my favorite but i hate gore!. Im probably not the best person to answer this question!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It didn't make huge sense to me!. It's all disjointed and it's hard to follow one thought to the next!. Needs to be filled out!.
Your sentences are twisted too!. 'The man felt like him taking German classes had now saved his life' might sound better as
'Taking German classes could well have saved his life!.'
or 'He was grateful that he had taken the German classes that would now save his life'!.
'The Jap was yelling Jap like gerberish'!. I would suggest 'The Jap was yelling something in gibberish'!. (Note the spelling correction)
Otherwise i think this could be a good story!. Good work, and good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com