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Question: Does this seem too unrealistic!?


When I finally woke up I prayed that everything that had happened last night was just a dream!. I adjusted myself and all that hope was gone, I was most defiantly laying on my couch!.
“ Awe man” I breathed!.
“ What thought you dreamt it all!?” Aidens voice scared me and I rolled right off of the couch!.
“ Oh…!. Ow!.” He helped me up again and sat me down on the couch!.
“ Are you alright!?” He asked clearly trying to contain his laughter!. I rubbed my head alittle and then completely opened my eyes for the first time, it was so bright I had to blink a couple of times before my eyes adjusted!.
“ Uh- ya I am fine, what are you doing here!?”
“ Well you kept falling asleep last night and I didn’t feel right leaving you alone when I wasn’t sure that you were ok!.”
I kept falling asleep!? Of course I was falling asleep it was like two am!. He sat down in the chair across from me and handed me a glass of water!.
“ Thank you, and thank you for watching over me last night!. You really didn’t have to do that!. “
I knew mark was not going to be too excited about the fact that Aiden had been in the house with me all night, not that anything had happened but still… I would have liked to know that he was in my house!.
“ Well when you started crying, that is when I really decided that I should stay!. “
“ I was crying!?” I asked embarrassed

“ Yeah sometimes you would kind of wake up crying and then sometimes you were crying in your sleep!.”
“ Great” I sighed!. As if the event of the previous night hadn’t been enough cause for me to die of embarrassment now Aiden had been witness to my pathetic nightmares!. I rolled my head around trying to work out the kink that I was sure was the cause of the slight headache that was forming at the base of my head!.
“ Headache!?” Aiden asked, I nodded my head then pushed up off of the couch and went to go in to the kitchen and get some ibuprofen!.
“ Whoa … where are you going!?” He slid in front of me to block my way, an intense chill passed through my whole body and a replay of the guy from last night flashed in my mind!. Aiden looked at me confusion spread across his face , “ You ok!?”
“ Yeah I am fine, I just need to go get some ibuprofen!.”
“ Oh !.!. well I have it right here!.” He turned around and grabbed the small white bottle off of the table!.
“ Oh, thank you!.” I sat down taking the bottle from his hand and grabbing the glass of water off of the table!. I read the bottle to make sure that I took the right amount and then spilled the pills in to my hand and popped them in to my mouth quickly washing them down with the water before that obnoxious medicine taste could sink in to my taste buds!.
“ Eww… I never did like the taste that left in my mouth!. “
“ Nasty isn’t it !.”
“ Yep!. “ I leaned back on the couch and covered my eyes with my arm!. “ You know I am feeling fine, you don’t have to stay , I am sure that you have better things to do than sit here with me!. “
“ Not really, besides Anne threatened my life if I left you before she got here!. “
“ What time is it!?” I had no idea how early or late it was!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
No, it seemed totally realistic to me!.
One thing, the dialogue in this line:
"Thank you, and thank you for watching over me last night!. You really didn’t have to do that!. “
Seemed a little unhuman the first time i read it!.
Perhaps reword it to make it sound more casual!? such as:
"Thank you, and thank you for watching over me last night by the way!. But you really didn't have to do that!?"
Just a suggestion!. But it really is good!.
Best of luck!
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No it's ok!. Totally realistic!. Will you please post the story on Answers if you can!? I'd love to read the rest of it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You do have a few grammar and spelling problems and a lot of punctuation issues!.

Not sure of where you're going with this, but as it is, I would not want to read further!.

Why!?

Because nothing interesting is happening!. Just a narration of what you did, what Aiden did, etc!.

There's no plot, no conflict or character development!.

Make something happen right in the beginning of your story!. Make the characters real to the readers!.

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I'm sorry, this is believable, but totally bla bla bla!? I would get bored to death, sorry!.

But you're a good writer!.

One thing I don't get is: Why does everyone spell "definitely" wrongly!? It's definitely definitely!. And why does everyone who spell "definitely" wrongly spell it as "defiantly"!?

"Defiantly" is a word, for your information! A whole new word!!!

A word to the wise: Cut the nonsense, and you'll be great!.

Don't get discouraged!.Www@QuestionHome@Com