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Question: This is a book i'm working on, can you give critique!?
prologue
blood flow undaunted from lifeless eyes to mingle with the tears of the living, bestowing ever greater power upon sayaikure, pure death's reincarnation!.
chapter one
brring!
i groaned and hit the snooze button, turning over!. i knew it was time for school, but oh well!. i was always late anyway!. something furry leapt up on my exposed back, claws raking at the fragile membrane!. "dammit, sky, i'm up," i groaned, pulling the hissing cat off me!.
i levered myself into a technically upright position, pulling on a loose shirt to hide my folded wings!.
it was when i was walking to school that i met him!.
he had a gourd strapped to his back, and everybody was staring at him like he was crazy!. he had dark red hair and glaring, kohl-lined eyes!. "can you move it!?" i asked!.
he turned and stared at me, then blinked and said, "sayaikure!?"
i was amazed by somebody who knew my name, but i said, "no!."
"sorry, i thought you were somebody i knew," he said, going to the side!.
i walked by without comment, then by reflex, i caught something with the air!. the unknown boy came forward and gripped me by my wrist, saying, "you are sayaikure, don't lie!."
i pulled my hand away!. "so maybe i am!. who cares!? there wasn't nybody for me before, why should there be now!?" i walked away before he can reply, and at school, one of the a-crowd had come up to me!. usually they just ignored me, social misfit i was!. and i encouraged them by isolating myself!.
'what do you want!?"
"who was that guy that was with you this morning!?" she asked, averting her eyes like i can bring death with just a glance!.
'uh, somebody i bumped into!?"
her face relaxed!. 'you dont know his name or anything, right!?"
'no!." but he knew mine!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
and that's my story!. i know it's crappy!. i just want somebody else to say it!. and about the "caught something with the air" part, the girl, sayaikure, can manipulate air, like gaara of the sand manipulate sand!.
please read this over and give me critisism!. pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!.!.!.
the guy with the gourd was based on gaara, by the way!. and this is my first attempt at a book!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Despite what anyone else says, i think the prologue perfect! There is something very captivating about it! It certainly catches intrest and creates suspence! The imagery was very intriguing!. The story so far is a lot like that too!. A lot of suspense is created which is what will keep a reader reading!. I must confess that this isn't exactly my type of story either, but i know quite a few people that would love it! Keep Writing!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yeah, it doesn't really make sense!.!.!. very hard to keep up with!. Your writing will improve as you get older!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

the prologue is too short and I feel like you're trying to be really deep when you're making me say ew and not want to read, lol!.

I didn't mean to be cruel, seriouslyWww@QuestionHome@Com

I know I'm going to sound like Simon Cowell but I switched off after the first 2 lines!. I simply don't like this type of story; never did and never will!. Very sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Umm, sorry, but no!. I would not read that book after the prologue!. It's way too short and waaaay too deep!. People will not read stuff like that nowadays!. I suggest you read the Odyssey though, that's a nice deep book!. I'm not trying to be mean or anything!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com