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Question: Care to leave a comment on my work!?
Don't know if I should continue this, but here's what I got so far:


He knows where to find me!. He'll see me crouched like this and kill me!. He'll kill me with whatever that is he's holding and drag me out of the house and bury me!. Or maybe he'll leave me here to rot!. Or maybe--

A creak just outside the door almost made me gasp!. Hiding inside the closet was the stupidest thing ever, not that I was thinking clearly when I did it!. I was panicking!. And what do panicking people do!? Do something stupid!.

Now I'm dead!. Or will be, once he opens the door and finds the bed empty!. He'll definitely find me here, and maybe I'll get to live a couple of seconds more while he laughs at my stupidity!.

Frap it all!. Why do I degrade myself with this murderer outside my door!? If only the phone would ring and get him distracted so I could bolt myself out the window!. Who cares if I break a collarbone or two, at least my heart still pumps blood and my lungs still take in oxygen!.

The door creaked open!. Well not exactly creak, it's relatively new!. But you get the point: it's now open!. And I could see his silhouette through the opening crack of the closet where I'm currently hiding myself stupid!.

I couldn't help it!. Tears are already running down my cheeks!. And I clamped my mouth shut with both my hands, praying that my sobs won't get through my fingers!.

It's all fruitless!. I know he'll find me sooner or later!. And even if that call from heaven did arrive and distract the madman, I'd still hide in here!. Not moving a muscle!. I'll keep on being stupid, and hope he'll go away!.

Well he didn't!. And unfortunately enough, he went and locked the window!. Just in case a phone rings and distracts him, I thought!. Wait!. Can he read thoughts!? Is that why he closed the--

And then he burst open the closet and I rolled over the carpet!. My eyes wide open but not really seeing anything!. All I can hear is that the phone is ringing somewhere in the house!.

Maybe that's mom calling!. Better tell her that her apple pie is still the best!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow that's creepy!.

I really wish that won't happen to me!.!.!. nor to anybody!. Heck, I'll probably wet my pants in that situation!.

Hope you'll continue this!. It's funny and dark at the same time!. Like a Stephen King novel or something!. I like it, very much!. I want to know the protagonist, the killer, why it happened, or what happened next (though the ending is quite clear from that PoV)!.

The ringing phone's a nice touch of irony!. And the victim's last thoughts seemed unconnected, but terrifically sane somehow!.

I could almost imagine the killer smiling in the gloom!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good read, definitely continue it if you can keep this up!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Not bad! And i could read more of it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Whoa!.!.!. i enjoyed it, kinda confused, was a bit freaked out!.!.!. but a good read, written well keep it up manWww@QuestionHome@Com

Different parts seem okay, but others seem off!. The apple pie isn't making sense, but maybe it's because I didn't know where you were going with it!. Finish it and get it to the right people!. You will never know unless you finish!. Good Luck whichever you decide!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow! That's amazing! You're a really good writer, and you should definitely keep going with it!.
There is just one thing that I might change!. The sentence "The door creaked open!. Well not exactly creak, it's relatively new!. But you get the point: it's now open," sounds a bit too informal, and too different to the rest of the text!. No-one would really think that if a murderer was entering their house!.
Good luck for your writing in the future!.
Maestro Www@QuestionHome@Com