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Question: Is this comeback any good!?
Ok!. about 30 minutes ago I asked for a comeback for a situation for a Clique fan fiction!. here is the result!. Any good!?


“Hello!?”
“Hey Mass, it’s Derrick!.” Why is he calling me!?
“Uh, Hey, what’s up!?” I asked!.
“Listen Mass, I need to talk to you!.”
“Derrick, what do you want!?” I demanded nervously, clutching my iPhone tightly!. Ok, I do so not like how this is going!
“I don’t like the way we left things Massie!. I want to get back together!.”
Why!? Why did he have to say that!? My only weakness, still being in love with him!. There’s no way this can work!. It’ll ruin my reputation completely!. I want to get back with him!.!.!.but I can’t!.
Sighing, I took a deep breath and quietly answered “It’s over, Derrick!. Nothing is going to change!.”
“Fine Massie!. It’s your loss!.” And with that he hung up!.
Suddenly I felt as if my whole world was crashing down!. I fell onto my bed and cried myself to sleep!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You asked for opinions, here is mine!. I love fanfiction, I write it and review daily!. I'm fifteen!. I think that it's okay!. But needs some help!. I don't know how a Clique book reads, but I have to say that this--needs something!. Derrick seems like a mean jerk by the way, I think Massie should buck up!. You don't need him girl, the phone call was probably a joke!. If you did not mean it as a joke, then make him say some more!. "Please Massie!? I'll try harder, we can work it out!." Anything but rudely hanging up!. What would be great is if Massie takes revenge, lol!. I'd love to see a prank war, lol!.
I feel like I am missing something, maybe it's because I want more so I can tell what's going on better!. Has she been going out with him for a while in your fan fic!? Or is this from the book!. Anyhow, it's good!. I can't say it's wonderful or fantastic like the others, but it's good!. I wish I knew how a Clique book read!. Is there more detail!? Or just this!. I see
:) Www@QuestionHome@Com

interesting!.

please answer mine: (i need critique)
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very, VERY good!.
Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats awesomme as! are you gonna make a book out of this!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

thts soo good i want to reed more!.!.!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Honestly, I don't like it!. I hate weak girls who cry when they break up with their boyfriends, as if they have no life other than one with him!. No matter how horrible he is the girl is still "in love" with him!. He is in control because he can manipulate her feelings!.

I mean, she was the one who ended it, yet she is the one crying about it, as if it were all her fault and she was the bad little girl who is being punished!.

I would never read a story like this!. You could do so much better writing something with substance and meaning!. Stay away from shallow characters and meaningless plots!. Www@QuestionHome@Com