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Question: I just made up this story wat you think!!?!!?
the sun was just setting and i was walking along the road to get home!. i was late and was wondering what excuse to make up to my dad!. i decided to take a shortcut through the woods!.
this was no ordinary shortcut, oh no, in the middle of the woods there was a house!. it had been abandoned for years!. legends says that whoever dares to enter the house will feel such punishment in their lives!. i wasn't nervous or scared because i had been pass the house lots of times!. but this time as i was passing the house something caught the corner of me eye!. i looked in the house but i couldn't see anything!. so i walked on but as i did so i saw something move in the shadows of the house!. i didn't want to but i did!. as i opened the door my life had changed for ever!. as i crept inside the house the wooden floorboards creaked!. i entered the house and wentto the living room!. i looked around but there was no one to be seen!. i give a sigh of relief and headed for the door!. as i was about to leave the house a shadow crept over me and i was petrified!. i slowly turned my head to see a figure standing there!. i gaped my mouth and heard laughter!. it was my friends!. they were joking!. i shouted at them tellin them it wasnt funny!. i turned the door handle but it wouldnt budge!. i told the guy it aint fnny anymore jus open the door but they claimed they hasdnt locked it!. we heard a smash from upstairs and the next thing was all blurrr!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
my eyes opened slowly!. i realised where i was; the hospital!. my friends; they were dead!. but why wasnt i!? i was lucky for some reason!. i wanted to know why but i didnt dare go back to that shortcut as i didnt want to experience that again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow, that's really good!. I mean, how old are you!? It will probably appeal more to kids than adults, so I would make sure the content is kid-friendly!. What happens next!? Does the story have depth after this!?
Yeah, I think you should stick with it, if you're aimimg for a kid audiance!.
Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Overall very childlike!. Weak sentence structure, weak vocabulary, and no real details!. But the ending was very mature and unexpected; an unexplained mystery!. OOOooooo!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
thats very good!.!.
answer mine!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I enjoyed it!.
http://groups!.google!.com/group/freelance!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Thats dumb!.
It kinda reminds me of a updated version of Hans and Greta/Wolf wolf
But still have a substance begin it with a misty not jump somewere from nowere!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's cool, but you may want to do a final draft because your grammar was hard to understand!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that before you insult the rest of us, you might want to do a second draft!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's good but it sounds more like a blurb than a storyWww@QuestionHome@Com
To be honest it's very child-like and has no real substance!. Ok if you're under 13 i guess!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its good, its not very long tho!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
that would turn up into a really creepy book you should write more chapteresWww@QuestionHome@Com
legend says that!.!.!.!.
What on earth!? That sounds very lame!. You might as well have started with once upon a time!.
I assume this story is for children!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I always recommend the author of passages offer a bit of an intro!. It would be ideal to tell the reader if it is a piece of writing for an assignment for school and the author's age and what is the purpose of the piece!.
If I give you a critique as an adult author I might be harder on you than if you were a youth author writer a story for a youth audience!. Keep those things in mind!. Being an author isn't easy and the basics such as grammar check and spell check are given in a basic word program!. So always run your spell and grammar chk to give yourself a leg up!. Those basic things help improve your writing exponentially!. If your writing is poor than it makes it difficult for the reader to appreciate the substance of the story!.
The story substance reminded me of many other stories I've read!. Stephen King short stories, Dean Koontz, Saul, and others!. The creepy house short!. Even Harry Potter comes across a few haunted houses that change his life forever!.
I wasn't as a reader gripped by the story!. It starts off very stiff and then moves rather slow!. It reads more like a journal where the action is more in the telling than in the act itself!. A horror story should always be dynamic!. I wasn't even sure when the character came across the friends!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, it sounds like an exciting story!. One thing is, obviously fix the grammar and it might enhance the plot if you had more of an introduction, describing the narrator's life and likings!. And if you subsitute some SAT level words in for others, it will be great! I would read it!.
Will you answer my question!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com