don't you like about my first chapter?

Question: What do/don't you like about my first chapter!?

http://www!.writerscafe!.org/writing/Cait_!.!.!.

It still needs to be edited a bit, but what do/don't you like about it!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

You need to put more descriptive sentences about what's happening around the characters!.!.!.I know it all makes sense in your head because it's like you're seeing a movie up there, but the rest of us can't see it; you'll have to describe it for us :) also, if you're more descriptive, it won't look like you have quite so much dialogue because it'll be spaced off better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i didn't even read past the first few paragraphs!.
if you don't have an interesting introduction no one else will either!.

get to the plot, or make some mystery, something to hook a reader in!. atleast some kind of foreshadowing to what might happen if i keep reading!. like if it's a scary book then you should let us know the forest is very eery!.!.!.

there was too much unnecessary dialogue!. there was too much unnecessary everything!. if the most interesting thing you can put in the first few paragraphs is 20 marshmallows on a stick then it isn't interesting!.

fake names!. livvy is weird, it doesn't sound right on your tongue and it doesn't in my mind!. also if you want a character named clara then just name her clara, not clarissa!. or introduce her as clara and her full name could be clarissa but that's not how she thinks of her name!. just one name per character!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

adverbs are your enemy!.!.!.read some Hemingway and Raymond Carver to see how they handled dialogue!.!.!.it gets tedious with some of the words you used!.!.!.keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nothing interesting is happening!.

There is no reason for me to continue reading!.

Www@QuestionHome@Com

Three words: too!. much!. dialogue!.

<3Www@QuestionHome@Com

you know i like everything you write!.

But yeah this is really good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

by all means, do dialogue, but add some background in there, too!.!.!. we can get overwhelmed from all that talkingWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's ok add some backround descriptionWww@QuestionHome@Com