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Question: How can I make this short story better!? I'm entering it into a contest!? PLEASE HELP! !?
please don't be rude though!.I'm only allowed 500 words so I can't put as much as I want too!. Help about the writing please!.

“It’s not worth it, Arianna!.”
My thumb slid slowly back and forth across the green ‘Send’ button!. I knew what my brain was telling me to do, but could my heart let me live with it!? My sister wouldn’t!. She had been telling me all week not to send the photo, the photo that would destroy the one that I once trusted!.
My conscious screamed at me with the tone of parental judgment; sending the photo really wouldn’t be worth anything!. It would only give me temporary satisfaction until the pain would eventually creep back in with the memory of that February night!.
That night my excitement had kept me warm although the cold wind whipped against my face like knives!. I kept reading over the text message he sent me!. “Meet me in the park at nine!.” I quickened my pace!. This was it!. The moment I had hoped for since the day when he told me he was moving on!.
The moonlight barely filtered down through the trees but I could see the outline of a person standing on the bridge in the middle of the park!. The figure seemed to be holding flowers!. My anticipation of receiving them led me to a full out run!. But, as I got closer that lone figure turned into two!. I came closer until I realized who it was!.
There they were, together under the moonlight!. The flowers? my flowers, were in her hands!. And they were kissing!. The kiss that I had been missing for nearly two weeks!. But the thing that horrified me more was her!. The girl who was reveling in my excitement!. My best friend!.
I inhaled sharply!. It must have been loud because they turned and saw me!. I ran but the weight from my sadness dragged me down!. My friend caught up to me!.
“Arianna! Arianna please listen!”
I stopped to listen to whatever pathetic excuse she had offer!. She told me that he sent the message to me on accident and that it was meant for her!. That they had been together for five weeks!. I had been without him for two!. So, all the time I spent ranting to her on the phone about him, she already knew!. And she didn’t tell me!.
It took me all the strength I had not break down in tears in my sedan on the way home!. It’s taking me all my strength now not to send the photo to ten of the of the biggest gossipers in the whole school!. The compromising photo of her at the New Year’s Eve party!.
“Arianna! Look that guy’s proposing!”
I looked around the restaurant to the people my sister was pointing to!. I squinted my eyes and realized that I recognized them!. It was my friends dad proposing to my ex-boyfriends mom!. I laughed and closed my phone!. There was no need for revenge when there was little thing called karma!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Overall, it is a good attempt for a short story!. I have a couple suggestions:

1!.Give the ex friend and ex boyfriend names; that will help clarify things at the end!.
2!.Use an active voice!. Always!.
3!.Work on description a little!. This will be hard since you have such a limited amount of space to work with, but you can try!. Ex: When you finally see the couple getting engaged--There, down on his knee, was David's dad, holding the small velvet box up to April's teary-eyed mom!.
4!.Try not to use phrases like "it took" (describe her strength and how it felt trying not to break down as much as you can within your word limits!.) also, don't use the phrase "it was' (see example above about the proposal)!.
5!.People who gossip are called gossips, not gossipers!.
6!.This works for a short story, but if you ever decide to expand on this idea for anything, know that the marriage of the parents might not stop the children from dating at all!. They are still not related or tied by blood, and while it would be weird to the outside world, it may not be for them!. (Watch Drive Me Crazy)

All in all, just keep editing and revising as many times as you can before the submission deadline!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is great, it has a lot of detail and emotion =) good luck in the contest,


answer mine!? its a story also

http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.



^thats the right linkWww@QuestionHome@Com

Cool story!!=D Really!.!.!. idk how you will be able to improve it since it's already awesome!Www@QuestionHome@Com

danng! i was ilke oooooo messed up!! but you need to clarify it at the end!. just because when you say "it was my friends dad proposing to my ex-boyfriends mom" i understood what you meant after i read it a few times, but you should clarify for the reader that it is your "ex best friend" maybe you should give her a name!Www@QuestionHome@Com