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Question: Prologue HELP! New at writing stories!.!?
I was wondering if this is a good prologue or not and if you can how to make it better!.
The sound of the forest echoed around him as he watched the mother and her fawn eat quietly, eyes gleaming gold with hunger, he ever so slowly made his way to the unexpected pair!. Ears flat and belly to the ground smooth but powerful muscles rippled under sleek black fur as he got into position to pounce!. Eyeing the fawn and extending his claws, he pounced!. Hearing the nearby thickets rattle to life the little fawn looked up just in time to see the face of his killer, screaming to his mother the little guy didn’t make it two steps before getting tackle to the ground and having his throat crushed in half!. Hearing the cries from her fawn the mother looked up, but came face to face with the sight of her lifeless baby looking up at her!. Having no other choice she ran!. Watching the mother run away the cat went back to his meal, tearing a big chunk out off the fawn’s stomach, blood spattering everywhere!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The first answer posted to your question is correct, but I found some mistakes that are simple to correct: punctuation and capitalization!. As far as you prologue is concerned, depending on where your story is going, this first paragraph will leave young adults (and some already disturbed children) reading on for more!.
You should practice using commas and semicolons though!. For example: "Ears flat and belly to the ground smooth but powerful muscles rippled!.!.!."
You can say: "Ears flat, belly to the ground; smooth but powerful muscles rippled beneath sleek black fur!.!.!."
I hope this helps!. I needed it when I wrote my first book and my publishers were editing!. Now I'm on the third book in my series, and it gets easier!. Just have an English teacher or someone close to you that knows how to edit take a look at it, and make the necessary changes!. It may sound hard at first, but after you've done this, the process of writing with *almost* no errors (there will always be errors; Even Jo Rowling knows this) becomes easier!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds good, but the purpose of a prologue is to provide background information that is necessary to understand the story!. Does this piece help the main story!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
yea, pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Some of the sentences are too long!. It disrupts the flow and makes it hard to understand on the first read!. Try diagramming each sentence, trim out anything that's not absolutely necessary!.
also, you use too many adjectives!. Some of the adjectives and other word choices don't make sense!. For example:
1!. Why are a mother and fawn an "unexpected" pair!? I would expect to see a mother and fawn together!.
2!. How is a throat (or anything) crushed "in half"!? Things can be broken or snapped in half, but if it's crushed, it's in more than two pieces!.Www@QuestionHome@Com