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Question: WRITING CONTEST ENTRY!!! How to make this better!!!!!?
Note: I'm not the best at grammar so help please!

“It’s not worth it, Arianna!.”
My thumb slid slowly back and forth across the green ‘Send’ button!. I knew what my brain was telling me to do, but could my heart let me live with it!? My sister wouldn’t!. She had been telling me all week not to send the photo, the photo that would destroy the one that I once trusted!.
My conscious screamed at me with the tone of parental judgment; sending the photo really wouldn’t be worth anything!. It would only give me temporary satisfaction until the pain would eventually creep back in with the memory of that February night!.
That night my excitement had kept me warm although the cold wind whipped against my face like knives!. I kept reading over the text message he sent me!. “Meet me in the park at nine!.” I quickened my pace!. This was it!. The moment I had hoped for since the day when he told me he was moving on!.
The moonlight barely filtered down through the trees but I could see the outline of a person standing on the bridge in the middle of the park!. The figure seemed to be holding flowers!. My anticipation of receiving them led me to a full out run!. But, as I got closer that lone figure turned into two!. I came closer until I realized who it was!.
There they were, together under the moonlight!. The flowers? my flowers, were in her hands!. And they were kissing!. The kiss that I had been missing for nearly two weeks!. But the thing that horrified me more was her!. The girl who was reveling in my excitement!. My best friend!.
I inhaled sharply!. It must have been loud because they turned and saw me!. I ran but the weight from my sadness dragged me down!. My friend caught up to me!.
“Arianna! Arianna please listen!”
I stopped to listen to whatever pathetic excuse she had offer!. She told me that he sent the message to me on accident and that it was meant for her!. That they had been together for five weeks!. I had been without him for two!. So, all the time I spent ranting to her on the phone about him, she already knew!. And she didn’t tell me!.
It took me all the strength I had not break down in tears in my sedan on the way home!. It’s taking me all my strength now not to send the photo to ten of the of the biggest gossipers in the whole school!. The compromising photo of her at the New Year’s Eve party!.
“Arianna! Look that guy’s proposing!”
I looked around the restaurant to the people my sister was pointing to!. I squinted my eyes and realized that I recognized them!. It was my friends dad proposing to my ex-boyfriends mom!. I laughed and closed my phone!. There was no need for revenge when there was little thing called karma!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Okay, here goes:

It's a pretty good piece, actually!. There are some errors and I would correct them before sending it off!.

* I know YA has no indent feature, but for the contest indent each paragraph!.

* When you're talking about 'that night', it is in the past tense!. Make sure your sentences reflect that!. "I had quickened my pace!." "had led me to a full run!.", etc!.

* Don't use the word 'closer' twice within two sentences!. And you didn't 'come' closer, you 'went' closer!.

* I don't know what this is: "The flowers? my flowers!." !?!?!?

* "The girl who was reveling in my excitement" is a bit strange!. Maybe it should be "reveling in the feel of his kiss in my place!."!?

* There should be a comma after "I ran"!.

* It should be "by accident" not "on accident"

Hope that helps some!. Good luck on the contest!.
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Wow!.!.!. I'm really impressed!. How did you come up with that!?!? It is a great storyline!.

But anyways, the only thing I think you should improve upon would be transitioning from the present to the past!. It was kind of confusing for me to read!.

But overall, wonderful job!. You should let me know how you do in the contest! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com