Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Writing a story, and just want to see what you guys think.?


Question: Writing a story, and just want to see what you guys think!.!?
The night was suttle in New York City!. A small bird sat restlessly on her nest awaiting for her clutch in Central Park !.Than out of the suttle night a hand flung up behind the bird and quickly grabbed it!. The hand was deformed, but the bird was not able to see the monsterous hand that had picked it up for the monster moved so quickly!.In the silent night you hear the birds bones break and crack as the monster chomps on it!.

In one of the buildings near Central Park a man rested silently in his bed with his t!.v on!.The monster than peeked his head up through the man's window!. He saw the man on his bed with a potato chips bag on the side of him!. The monster slowly slid his window open and crept through the window!. Then slowly crawled to the man!. The monster reached for the man with its hideous, but at the same time powerful arm!.

The door to the mans room flew open!. A burst of light shocked the man and caused him to wake up!. Than the monster screamed!. The man looked to his side noticing the monster and jumped out of bed!. A man dressed in a long black jaget ****** his shot gun and aimed it at the monster!.

"Cockadoodle doo you ugly monster!." The man said!. He then shot a bullet at it!. The monster gave a long screech and jumped up dodging the bullet!. The man kept shooting at the monster missing every shot!.The monster than leaped out the window shattering the glass!.

The man with the shot gun looked at the man that owned the apartment and said," I hate those dang teenagers dressed up as monsters!."

The man is speechless for a while then looked at him and replied," Me too!."

Then the man holding his shot gun still, ran outside and got in to his black mustang!.

He than started his car and began to follow the monster in to central park!.The monster is still running through central park!. Then the man pulled to the side of the monster!. The monster and the man are head to head!. The monster looks at him and growls at him!. The man pulled out his gun and pointed it at the monster still driving his car!. As soon as he was about to get a clear shot he ran over a rock making him lose his shot!. The man shook his head and pointed his gun again!.

The monster than jumped on to a tree!. Dissapearing out of the mans sight!.The man stopped his car!. The night was suttle again!. The man just looked around for the monster still sitting in his car!. The man heard the monster scream again and said to himself," Ok!." He than rolled up his window!. As soon as the window closed all the way!. The monster slammed down on the mans car making a dent on his car roof!."This is my favorite car and you just ruined it!" The man yelled!. He than began shooting his roof trying to get the monster!.

He stopped shooting!. The monster was not on the car roof anymore!.Than the monster jumped to the side of the mans car door!. The man pointed his gun at him and shot, but he shot nothing since his gun is now out of bullets!. The monster then grabbed the man's car door and flung it behind him!.The man said to himself,"Crap!."Then pulled out his knife!. The monster picked the man up and threw him to a tree!. The man hit the tree!. Than the man stood up and began charging at the monster with his knife in his right hand!. The monster charged at him as well!. They met and rolled on top of each other!. The man's knife fell out of his hand flying a few yards away from him!.

They began fist fighting!. The monster was on top of the man throwing vicious punches at him!. The man kept his arms up so that he can cover his face!. The man then grabbed the monsters ears and began pulling on them as hard as he can!.The ears began to slowly rip off from its skull!.The monster yelled in pain, than fell back squeezing its ears!. The man ran to his knife!. The monster saw this and got up!. The monsters ears began to dangle since it was still attached to him by a few strings of skin attached to its skull and ear!.It jumped up at the man!.

The man got his knife and put it on his chest facing up!. The monster jumped right in to the dagger making the dagger plunge through its heart!. The monster quickly jumped off the man screaming in pain and scratching at his chest!.The man got up and looked at the ugly monster as it slowly transformed in to a human!.The man bent down and pulled his knife out of the now human's chest!.He then said," Just another day on the job!."He then walked over to his mustang and began driving away!.

The man drove up to a house!. He walked in and noticed the phone light beeping!. He pressed the button and it said," Hello Agent Jacob Eadweard i am FBI agent Portca, and i need you for an assignment, yes i know you are who they call The Demon Killer, we will be at your house in 30 seconds after you get this message!."

Jacob is the man that killed the monster!. Jacob looked around he than grabbed a back pack and hurried to grab supplies he needed supplies such as food,weapons,and clothing!. He ran out of his house and ran to his car!. As soon as he was about to reach his car!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'm sorry, but I couldn't finish it!. First of all, is suttle supposed to be subtle!? That's not an adjective to describe NYC!. Maybe if you said something like the charged particles in the air underwent a subtle change it would make more sense!. Learn to use the spell checker--if you intend to publish, you'll need it on a regular basis!.

How can a phone light beep!? Again, try, the beeping light in the darkened room fairly begged to be answered!.

You must not know NYC!. The Central Park area is high-claa apartment buildings!. This monster would have to be King Kong!.

You have choppy sentences that are confusing!.Spend time on descriptions!. also, was the man a random choice or was he a target!? You lost me when the guy came charging in w/ the gun!.

I'm not saying give up!. Use this as notes & flesh the story more!.

There's no way anyone could grab that much gear & make it out to the car in 30 sec!.Www@QuestionHome@Com