Okay!. This is a short story that I'm writing!. Tell me hat you think, then rate it on a scale from 1-10!. also, star if you like!
“Are we there yet!?” I jumped up and down in my seat as we were driving past an old racked house!.
“Whoa!. Hey, Millie!. Imagine if that was our camp!.” George, my ten year old brother said to me in a scary voice!.
“That’s nonsense!.” My mom, Hilary turned around and raised her eyebrow!.
“What if there’s candy and sweets in there! And hundred dollar bills!” My twin sister, Arleen, said!.
“What kind of people would leave money and candy in an old house that needs renovation!?” George said!.
“The kind of people that feel sorry for the people who would buy the house and so they leave them money and then they could pay normally for the renovation!.” I smiled!.
“OK, you critters,” My dad, James, stopped the car!.
“Da-ad! Why’d you stop the car!?” George whined!.
My mom looked over with a smile!.
Arleen looked at me!. Her eyes widened!.
“We’re here!” My dad shouted!.
I got the top bunk, right next to Arleen’s!. Arleen was home sick!.
“Millie, I want to go home!” She whined!. “I’ve never been this far away from home!” She hugged her teddy bear!.
“It’s OK, Arlee,” I call her Arlee when she feels sad!. “I’m here with you!. And so is George!.”
She looked down at the counselor!.
The counselor caught her glance!.
“Hi! I’m Dina, your counselor!.” She had long, curly (or wavy) black hair and large blue eyes!. Her lips were super red, but it looked natural!. It didn’t look like lipstick!. She seemed nice!.
“Hi!. I’m Millie, and this is my sister Arleen!.” I said!.
“OK!. Do you know any girls here!?” She asked!.
Arleen shook her head!.
“Well, over there is Phoebe, Leila, Carly, Jen, Sophie, and Hailey!.” She pointed to the rest of the bunks!. There were eight girls in all, and two counselors!. The other counselor’s name was Gina!. They were twins!.
“What are we having today!?” I asked!.
“You mean in activities!?”
“Yeah!.”
“Well, today, all day, we have free time and have time to unpack!. But at eight we have the ‘Welcome to camp’ presentation!.”
“Oh!. Thanks!”
“No prob!.” Gina walked away!.
I will write more soon
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