THAT DAMN IRONY!.
AUGUST 22, 2008
It’s weird how ironic things can be!. Last night I was watching Sydney White and I actually studied how well they alluded the computer virus on her Apple computer to the poisoned apple in Snow White!. The computer virus deletes her essay due the next day and she has to pull off an all-nighter to finish it!. This evening I was stupid enough to completely wipe out all my documents, including the essay we were supposed to do for homework during the summer!. I had finished it in the morning!. My best friend N’kosi told me that he felt sorry for me, but by the time he texted me I was on the last paragraph of the second try at it!. I told him it was pretty much word for word since I had worked on the first one so hard!. He congratulated me and told me it was time for bed for him!. I showed my mum and watched the end of Evan Almighty with her and Robert!.
When I realized I lost the essay I worked so hard on, I almost screamed!. I went into hysterics, screeching to myself, “You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid!” I slammed doors; I hit my fist against the bathroom window!. After dinner, I sat on my bed and, equipped only with my brain and my 119 words per minute typing speed, rewrote my essay!. No music, nothing!. Just the occasional self-esteem booster text from N’kosi!. God, I love him!. He’s just brilliant!. Iolanthe is my other best friend!. She’s more of a girlie best friend, the one you let read your diary, the one you can ***** with about PMS, the one you tell all your secrets to!. N’kosi is more of a friend I can spend time with without being under the pressure of acting like we’re together, because we’re not!.
But I think this rambling is boring you a bit, is it not!? At this point you should know that my name is Sinéad MacDougal!. Yeah, I’m Scottish!. Wish I wasn’t!. It would be easier to get rid of this god-awful accent that stuck!. “Sinéad, you should be proud of that accent,” my dad would say, “It makes you sound very seductive!” He would laugh, my mum would hit his shoulder, and then we’d all laugh!. But I guess that can’t happen, seeing as that he’s in Edinburgh and he has a restraining order against my mother!. Cheerful chap, isn’t he!?
I’m fond of Pokémon and ninjas, and I love Japanese sour candies!. I also find the time in all this to deconstruct ice cream cones!. I like thinking up episodes for Doctor Who, and although I say I hate rap, some of it I like!. Kanye West I like because he writes about stuff other than sex!. I’d quote a hate-worthy rap song, but this is meant for fourteen-year-olds, and I won’t let that one thing make this a 17+ story!.
One of my favorite pastimes is teasing a kid in my class, Sami Amraoui just because he’s tall, lanky, and instead of saying ‘Imbecile’, he says, ‘Imbasult”, so N’kosi and I share the right to joke about it whenever he’s in proximity to us!. He’d always go, “Sinéad, you and your friend are both bitches!.” We’d always laugh and say that he got his genders wrong!. I’d explain the whole *****/bastard thing, I’d give him the dictionary definition, but he’d still make the mistake!.
Another one of our pastimes are making prank calls to pizza places and attempting to sell them ‘Fru-Frus’, which are a figment of N’kosi and his friend Adisa’s imagination!. N’kosi is King Frufrumon, and he has a foreign accent and once he even sold one! Not really, but some old guy said, “Okay, I’ll buy it if you just stop calling me!” and then we hung up and giggled like hyenas in laughing gas!.
After a year of being best friends, N’kosi has only been to my house once, and that was to go on the roof in the rain to rant about crap that pisses me off!. But I think we get enough of each other at school!.
Back to the irony of the whole essay situation!. My life has been ironic ever since I said that truth or dare kisses weren’t real, and I got dared to kiss my crush later on in that day!. You might as well call me Irony Bryony!. Like in that TV show about that guy stricken with karma, I’m stricken with irony!. Pure and evil irony!. It’s incredible!. I convince myself that my parents love each other, and the next evening they announce the divorce!. I dislike it passionately!.
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