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Question: Please Rate the Prologue of My Story!?
Ice blue eyes!.
I don't understand them!.

Since I was young I've been taught that water is colorless!.
One would then assume that ice, too, is colorless!.

And judging by the cubes of it in my drink, they are!.

But!.!.!.
!.!.!.His eyes were different!. Burning into mine at that last moment!.!.!.

Intensified by the anger of his gaze!.
"Get out!." he commanded, and I couldn't help but obey orders!. I scrambled out of sight, like the pathetic coward I was, and to this very day I regret it!. How foolish I was when I was a child!. Getting up and leaving while the rest of my family was slaughtered just because they were Arcanians!. Though Arcanian Nobles, they didn't deserve to die in such a way!.
In all honesty, nobody did!.
So I got out of the way as I watched everything I ever had be taken away from me!.
The Soldiers marching into our Estate and destroying everything, and I was in the midst of it all!.
"Do you pledge to act as an Honorary Avalonian, to protect Avalon, and to serve only under that Avalonian Militia as long as you live!?"
"I do!."
Lies!.
As I pledged my allegiance to Avalon, I watched the final link of my family be destroyed as my sister was shot to death!.
I watched the light fade from her eyes as she whispered out my name!.
"Jaetis!.!.!."
I couldn't bear looking into her eyes; just watching her suffer was enough to make me ill!. I reached forward, as if I could touch her, but y hand was soon swiped away!. "From this moment on you shall be known as Tristan Simon Julian, Prince of Avalon!."
I blinked!.
Everything was being taken!. Down to my name!.
"Why!?" I asked suddenly, not even sure if the strong voice breaking the silence actually belonged to me!.
"Why did you do this to my family!?" I begged, soon regaining consciousness of the situation and feeling tears sting my eyes!. "Why leave me in the middle of this mess!?" I soon felt my voice rise to a shout as I looked around at the rubble that once was my home!. The beautiful marble staircase that was now smashed and awkwardly leading up to the second floor!. The banisters on either side of the balconies nothing but splintered wood!. Curtains and drapes with ripped apart, statues crumbled as if bowing to this new power that would take their life away, as it did mine!. Glass was strew hazordly across the floor from the stained glass windows that made everything in the world look ten times better if you looked through them!. Chandeliers with nothing but hanging, limp pieces of jewelry that looked like they were abandoned decades before!.
One of the half dozen men chuckled, not even bothering to lift his helmet or lower his gun!. "To change this world, you need to get your hands dirty!." he replied evenly, while finally lifting his mask, letting those blue chips of ice burn into mine!. I was almost surprised by the intensity of his gaze that his irises weren't melting!. I cringed!. "Well then why leave me alive!?" I shouted, feeling my fists curl in anger!. "Why leave me alive while you dispose of everything I could ever live for!!?"
I could hear my voice echo through the mansion's various hallways, reaching through every crack, nook and cranny that would allow sound to travel through!.
The officers didn't flinch!.
"Because we needed to clean up the trash!."
I froze, shaking with anger and fear!. "And I am not trash!?" I questioned!.
"No, you are not!." the officer answered just as evenly and coolly as before!.
"Then why change my name, my position, my everything!?" I shot back!.
"Because with an Aracanian name like that the king would never be able to pass you off as his next heir!."
I stiffened!. "His next!.!.!.heir!?" I asked!. I felt myself lower to my knees, pressing my fists into the smooth floor tiles that had just been polished that morning!. They were done so perfectly that I could see my reflection, though I could barely recognize myself!. I was beaten, with dirt and ash all over my palid cheeks, grit in my dark hair and pain in my dark blue eyes!. I was only nine years old and I was experiencing pain that men of seventy years sometimes never experienced!. I was cold, alone, and felt like a broken porcelain doll, knowing nobody could fix me, and that even if I put the pieces back together, I would always be scarred, and with the constant danger of being broken again!.
And I was off to become the next Prince of the most powerful empires in the world!.
Avalon!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ice blue eyes!.
I don't understand them!.

Since I was young I've been taught that water is colorless!.
One would then assume that ice, too, is colorless!.

And judging by the cubes of it in my drink, they are!.

I love this bit, and you stick to the idea of ice- I was cold, alone, I froze, shaking,his irises weren't melting!.

That's impressive for a 13 year old- stick with that imagery!. i don't know if you know you're doing that but keep doing it!.

The genre isn't a style I really go for, but you've written it very well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it
Its really good &+ I really want to read more
Good luck with your writing
xoxo Www@QuestionHome@Com

its gr8!.u could be an author some day if you continue writing like that!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

one word!.!.!. amazing!!!!!!!!!! where did you learn to write like that!? I usually critique people's work rather harshly, but everything is perfect! great job!. please write this story!. I would definetely read it!. If the prologue is that good, I can't imagine what the real story is like!!!!

i'm thirteen too, and writing a novelWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow this is great!
This looks like it was written by a professional!.
Hey maybe you can help me write my story!.!.!.you are great at describing the scene and i need help with that!.!.!.

if you would like to help me can you email me at
garcia_ana2793@yahoo!.com
I'm 14Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like it!. It's pretty vague, which is good, since it's a prologue!.
Your word choice is excellent; my only suggestion is to double-check on your spelling!.
Good luck and happy writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that is soooooo good im 12 and never could write something like that!.
keep writing because i want to see it as a book!.
the start was my fave bit!.
you are so good at writing i want to see more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com