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Question: Will someone read the first chapter of my story!?
I started writing a story and I'd like some advice to make it better or just your opinion on it!.
This is only the first chapter!. I have another one written!.
Any sort of criticism is appreciated!.
There is much more to the plot than what the first chapter tells you!.


I’ve always been the kind of person to forgive easily!.
No matter how grave the situation, I always find myself forgiving and forgetting!.
Some people say it’s a good thing, most say it’s a not-so-good thing!. And, I suddenly agree with the latter, since, just a couple minutes earlier I realized that my easy forgiveness is what brought me into this –do I dare say!?- abusive relationship!.
Ending up on the floor with a pounding, aching pain on the side of my head was what, unfortunately, triggered my insight!.
Honestly, I’m surprised I hadn’t guessed it was going to happen sooner or later!.
For a moment, I felt like I was being hypnotized, just sitting there on the cold, kitchen floor, starring at the wooden legs of the chair in front of me as if it was the light to heaven!.
I managed to fidget my eyes to a white floor tile and I immediately became aware of the sounds around me!.
The dishwasher that was just a few feet away rumbled endlessly!. The noise filled my ears and traveled into my mind as if it was washing my brain!.
Brainwashing!.
Other then that, the only sound audible was Damien’s heavy breathing from behind me!.
My hands, palms down on the floor supported me as I registered everything that happened in the last two minutes!.
It started with Damien complaining about something!. I don’t remember exactly what!.
Work!? Food!? The dishwasher!?
And then it continued with him starting to yell endlessly about whatever it was he was yelling about!.
And then, it was me who started yelling because he was yelling!.
There was a lot of yelling!.
But then, the yelling stopped and I could see his anger rising in his face!.
His anger wasn’t the only thing that rose before I received the blow!.
Now, here I am, sitting on the floor, raising my right, cold hand to the side of my tense face!.
Blinking repeatedly, feeling surged back into my body and I quickly stood up!.
This was the first time he hit me, but it felt like the hundredth!.
Turning around swiftly I started to walk out of the kitchen!.
“Jade, I’m sorry!.” Damien’s solemn voice entered my ears as I passed him, though, this time I didn’t feel any need to forgive!.
So, instead, I ignored him and walked silently and casually down the short hall of our apartment!.
Aiming for my –our- bedroom, I decided otherwise and entered the bathroom, locking the door absently behind me!.
My first instinct was to look in the mirror, but I decided not to and turned my back on my reflection!.
Sighing, I leaned against the counter, bringing my hands up to the sides and propping myself on top so I was sitting down on it!.
I entered another hypnotizing moment as I starred at the white, blinding wall in front of me!.
I could feel my frown dig into my face as the last three minutes played over and over in my head!.
Shortly, a knock on the door rang, snapping me out of my daze!.
“Jade!?” Damien voice called from behind the door!.
I looked at it expectantly, imagining Damien bursting through it like a beast!.
“Jade, I’m sorry!.” He repeated his earlier words!.
I didn’t say anything and I didn’t want to!.
My lips felt sealed together as if the skin was conjoined and my breaths were as soundless as if I wasn’t even breathing!.
“I didn’t mean to… h-hit you!. I’m just really stressed out these days!.” He explained!.
I scoffed internally!.
Another excuse!.
“I promised I’ll never hurt you again!. I’ll never yell at you again!.”
Another lie!.
Peeling my eyes away from the door, I looked to the other side of the bathroom, laying my eyes on the shower!.
Jumping down from the counter, I turned quickly and crouched to open the cabinet!.
Pulling out a light blue towel, I laid it on the towel holder and started to undress!.
I hadn’t missed Damien’s heavy sigh from behind the door and the sound of him sliding down the floor on the other side of the wall!.
Stepping into the shower and turning on the water, I put it on as cold as I could handle!.

When I was done washing up, I dried off my body and risked a glance at myself in the mirror!.
I wasn’t surprised to see the right side of my face –mostly my cheek and eye- turning slightly red and purple!.
Looking away, I blindly patted my face dry with the towel!.
After wrapping it tightly around me, I picked up my clothes from the ground and rested my hand on the door knob!.
I hesitated on getting out, but I had to get out sooner or later!.
So, bracing myself I unlocked it and pulled it open!.
As suspected, Damien was sitting against the wall on the left side of the door!.
Sleeping!.
Standing in front of him, I watched as his head lolled to the side, resting on his shoulder with his mouth slightly opened, soft snores escaping his lips every two seconds!.
He looked too innocent while he slept that is was too hard believing this was the twenty four year old man who hit me!.
It was when his eye lids started to flutter open that I turned around and quickly entered our bedroom from across the hall!.
“Jade!” I heard him call before I closed the door!.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lock!.
So, I quickly grabbed a t-shirt and boxers, changing into them as fast as I can!.
I could see Damien’s shadow in the small space under the door and I knew he was standing right in front of it!.
I ignored it and lay down in the bed, making sure not to turn on my right side!.
I fell asleep quickly!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's definitely got potential, and I would enjoy hearing more!.

It's written quite well, and the descriptions are vivid enough to get a fairly good image in my head!.

I do wonder whether or not he would let her just ignore him so easily, though!. It doens't seem realistic that he would do so!. A man in his position would be worrying, almost to the point of freaking out - at least, that's how it always seems!. Maybe I simply don't understand Damien's character as fully as I should!.

In any case, I would expect him to be more desperate to get her to listen to him and to accept his apology!.

Aside from that thought of mine, this was a nice little read!. And great introduction, by the way!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's GOOD

if you have myspace could you add and read the novel I'm writing
http://www!.myspace!.com/afterthedeathofst!.!.!.

and send me your next chapter!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.pleaseWww@QuestionHome@Com

Very good! I'm intrigued!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that was amazing!!!!!!! i loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was kinda sad tho!. but i LOVED ITWww@QuestionHome@Com

Next chapter please!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Cool!! It is really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That was really good!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

More!.!. MOREE! i want moreee!.!. lol its soo good! =D you have to publish it!.!. can you add more chapters so we can read!?!?!? xx

EDIT: Please send me the next chapter if you have itWww@QuestionHome@Com

that was really good!. I'd love to read more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i thought it was pretty good! i'm curious to know what's going to happen!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is good, very good!. It captures a person's attention!. You seem to have a knack for the dramatical and that is a good thing!. I have a hard time critiquing the mechanics or format of your story do to the lack of paragraphs in Asnwers, but you grammar and vocabulary seems quite good!. If you can pull on other emotions in your future writings and sprinkle in some better action you, in my estimation, have the makings of a top notch novel!. Continue on and be sure to email me when your first copy comes off the press I would love to see how the rest comes out!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

oh wow i really enjoyed this!.!.!.it's really deep n has a meaning!.!.!.
i am not too sure about the wording of the 1st paragraph!.!.!.it's just some words don't seem to fit the style of the whole writing!.!.
i am just trying to give my feedback so no offense lol
otherwise i really enjoy it and would love to read the whole thing!!!
good luck and all the bestWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's not half bad but it reads more like a short story than a novel!. I would also recommend developing the Damien character a little more!. Another suggestion is to try and use better metaphors and descriptive words to make the story more visual!.

All in all though it's a good start and nothing a good editor couldn't fix!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

ooh, i love it!. I'd read it no doubt! I almost feel bad for Damien, but I also have alot of sympathy for Jade!. I'm curious about this story, very curious!. I would love to read it! Good luck, babe!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

L?v it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Either add more on here (plz) or send it 2 me (PLZ!) I wud DEFINATELY read more if it wuz possible!






My E-mail address!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

VictoriaV1314@live!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you make that into a book i will defiantly read it!. I mean it just like makes you read more!. Please contact me and email me the rest!. (You don't really have to, but if you want to fine with me!) Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is really good!. e-mail me the rest of the book please!. when it gets written!. it's really good!. (takexmyxhand1215@yahoo!.com) i would definitly read this book!.Www@QuestionHome@Com