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Question: Is this a good short story im only 12
Hello my name is Annabel I am 14 years old and I want to tell you a story!. Starting way way back when I was only 5 years old!. My dad was just driving me to daycare as I like to call it jail!. I was a mature kid unlike Denny or Scott eww just thinking about them gives me the chills… well back to the story hum where was I oh yeah!. Denny and Scott were horrifying, sickening, revolting little children!. They were kids who didn’t give a crap!. Kids who could just follow you and scream and would give a dam that the teacher would be running after them with a stick!. Chelsea martin don’t get me started she was like a ***** with horns!. why I say that well its because at day care I was drawing a pretty wonderful picture and Chelsea she came along being all prissy and!.!. Never mind well she leaned over and bumped Denny’s paint over on to the ground and Denny got angry of course picked up Scotts paint!. Tried to aim it at her but, guess what he MISSED!! It landed right on my head on to my paper that I was working SO PERFECTLY ON!! Was now ruined not only ruined but I had a white clothes on!. And I nearly past out because I got hit in the head with a paint bucket!. Oh yeah your asking where are the teachers well she was going pee when this all happed!. well the day ended with scott expelled from baby land!! But not only that I got sent to the corner while my da came and picked me up because Chelsea told the teacher these exact words!. “ Mrs!. spee, Mrs!. spee come here look LOOK!!!” “What is it young lady” Mrs!. spee came in to the room right then she said “oh oh oh my god WHAT HAPPENED!! In here I was only gone for 4 min!!” “well a lot of things can happen in 4 min” “so what did happen” Annabel threw paint all over the ground and denny threw it at her and she dumped paint every where and threw that empty bucket at my head” “is this true Annabel!?”



TO BE CONTINUED
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Okay,
Just a couple tips!.
Make this less confusing, I barely got a word of it!.
If the part at the beginning of what you posted is the start of the story, you need to think of a better way to get the readers attention!. If I read something like that I would put it down!.
Go through and proof read!.
I hope this works out!.
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um!.!.!. well, it certainly!.!.!. um!.!.!. sorry, but it!.!.!. is!.!.!. um, whats the word!.!.!. beneath amature level, and could use some work but atleast it!.!.!. um!.!.!. has!.!.!. some laughter in it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is reallllly confusing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's extremely confusing, I agree!. The whole "where was I!?" doesn't work on in a story like it works (better) in a movie!. And, no offense, but I don't think a teacher would leave kids in daycare alone for four minutes! Someone could kill themselves (accidentally, most likely!.) And daycare is a stressful job!. She would have at least one helper with her (the teacher, that is!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think if you read this out loud, love, you'll see what's wrong with it! You must try to split things up into paragraphs!. Read and read a lot!. In that way, you'll see how stories are laid out!. There are lots of books out there on story writing!. Buy one or two and study them!. But don't stop writing!. Keep at it!. You'll be amazed at how much your writing improves with practice!.
Good luck
Mike BWww@QuestionHome@Com