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Question: What do you think of the first chapter in my book, fire glazed night!?
I
Someone Outside the Gate


THE FIRST TIME I SAW HER, she was sitting outside the gate!. I hadn’t earlier noticed the murky gray clouds that stretched across the sky!. But then there came the sound of a heavy shower of birdseed, all striking the street at the same time!. I ran to the picture-window and stared past the glass!. The heavens opened with a mighty roar, and a white flash lit up the sky and disappeared!. Sheets of rain penetrated the concrete, swirling and frothing and churning together into thousands of puddles!. Water gushed down the street like a river, washing over muddy grass and bringing with it pebbles and rocks and bits of leaves!. It was then, looking past the trees that swayed in the wind and the lawn and seemingly miles of concrete and stepping stones, that I saw her!.
She was little more than a distant figure from the window I crouched at, but I could still see her pretty clearly!. Her eyes were shut and her head was tipped back, leaning against the wall!. Tangled brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, dripping onto her face!. She wore a white sundress, dotted with specks of muddy water and grime, and black sandals!.
And the first thought that crossed my mind was, Who was she!?
That was the first time!. It wasn’t the last!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
its really good but you might want to not describe so much about where they are at!. most people tend to get annoyed and just scan it for important info!. but i would definatley read a book like that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

" I hadn’t earlier noticed the murky gray clouds that stretched across the sky!. " - you should take "earlier" out - it makes it sound awkward!.

other than that, good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very nice!. It got me hooked!. you'll have no trouble with that part!.Www@QuestionHome@Com