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Question: Will you please tell me what you think of this!?
im 14 years old!.!.!. almost 15!.
im writing a story about a normal, but kind of spoiled, 16 year old girl!. well anyways, a boy her age moves into the house next door and they end up together!. im not quite sure what else is going to happen!. if you have any suggestions!.!. feel free to tell me what they are!.
here goes nothing!.!.!.

Chapter 1
The sound of my alarm clock drove me crazy! It’s a constant, steady beep that sticks in your head for hours on end!. What’s the point in having one when you can have your perfectly nice maid come in and wake you up on school mornings!? I pressed the snooze button each time it went off and found that by the time that I actually woke up this morning, it was 6:52!. That left me only about 10 minutes to get ready for school!. ‘Oh well,’ I thought to myself ‘I don’t need much time anyways, I guess’!. At least, I thought that until I remembered what today was!.
On the usual mornings when I got up at 6:15, I was always left with at least ten minutes of doing nothing!. This morning it was critical though, that I look my best… school picture day!. I messed up, bad!. The one day that I need at least a half of an hour to get ready for, was the one day that I decide to sleep that extra half hour… typical me!.
I ran across my 8000 square foot mansion to the laundry room quickly!. Last night, I had told my dad with specific instructions, to make sure that my new black shirt was ready to wear today!. As I had anticipated, I saw my top sitting in the hamper besides the washing machine, dirty!.
“Dad!” I shouted down the stairs to my sleeping father!.
“What!?” He replied tired and confused!. I was not supposed to wake him up on his days off!. It was against the “house rules”!.
My father is a successful business man at one of the nation’s leading insurance companies!. At those ‘fancy’ places, they called him Mr!. Benjamin Rucher, but to me, he’s Benny!. He was usually gone for at least a week per month, which left me with nobody!. To make me and himself feel better, my dad sometimes gave me a couple hundred dollars to spend while he was gone, to “get something nice”!. I hated it when he did that though!. I’d much rather be told that he loves me than be bought off by him like some of the spoiled brats at my school were by their ‘daddies’!.
“I specifically told you to wash my new black shirt!.” I found myself whining and was annoyed by myself!.
“I’m sorry,” he yelled up the long flight of stairs with no sympathy “You’ll have to find something else to wear today!.” My dad was just trying to make me shut up!. I could tell, I could always tell when he did that!.
I ran back to my room, looked at the clock, and nearly panicked!. It was 6:58, I had but 4 minutes to get dressed, brush my hair and teeth, and run out to the bus!. I wasn’t worried about putting on makeup or eating!. I kept all the supplies I needed in my locker!. My necessities included granola bars – of course, foundation, and mascara!. I hardly ever wore makeup anyways!. I was surprisingly tan, unlike my father, and had a good complexion and long, dark eyelashes!. I did consider myself lucky, even though sometimes, being ‘attractive’ had its disadvantages!.
First of all, I hated it when people called me pretty or ‘hot’!. Second, being pretty meant popular people trying to get you to be a part of their group, no matter how bad your personality was!. Lastly, there was more of a chance for guys to ask you out, and let me tell you something, I was not one of those girls who liked to date yet!. I mean, I am only 16, who needs a boyfriend at that age!?
I was often complemented by the boys at my school of my good looks and “nice body” but like I said, I’m not too much of a lover girl!. Right now, I am going through the “I don’t need guys” stage!. Plus, all of the good guys at my school are taken, mostly by the popular girls!. I don’t understand what guys see in them!. Is it the 20 pounds of makeup and other unidentified grime that they put on their face, or is it the fact that guys think that it’s a blessing to be in their presence!?
I’m not a popular girl and I never at one point in my life have desired to be one!. I’m a wilderness girl, a jean and sweatshirt girl!. For heavens sakes, I’m a peanut butter and jelly girl, and if I sit on some peanut butter, at least I can make someone laugh once or twice about it!.
I consider myself to be low-key… and late!. I quickly found a simple gray t-shirt that, surprisingly, complimented my curvy figure and a pair of clean, black pants that were the farthest thing from dressy!. Next, I ran aggressively to the bathroom!. It takes me about 5 minutes to do something special with my silky, long, blonde hair so I decided to go with the alternative!. Brush the tangles out of it and leave it down!. I had to admit that I looked good today, despite the loss of time!. A quick tooth brushing and I would be ready to go!.
I squeezed the blue paste onto my toothbrush and suddenly registered the noise that was lingering outside our multi-million dollar house!. It was the bus, and it was done waiting!. I wasn’t even going to attempt to make it out in time!. It would be no use!.
It was at times like these that I wished I had a real license instead of just a useless permit!. I was going to have to walk to school!. I knew that my dad wouldn’t drive me or let me drive him, so there was no point in asking!. Each time I did, he told me the same old story… “Sara, when I was your age, I had to walk about 8 miles to school in sub-zero temperatures with winds up to 40 mph!. How would you like to do that!? All you have to do is walk a mile with sunny skies and you’re there!. You complain about the easiest things”!.
It was easy for him!. Half way there, I stepped in a big, muddy puddle!. A puddle! How lucky was I!? Now that my pants were wet up to mid-shin and not to mention, my hair was messed up from the wind, I could no longer tell myself that I looked good!. All of this stress, and on picture day!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ok I'm not a big fan of writing so don't take my word for it!.
I write music tho!. :) or I try to!.!.!.!.
Ok so anyways, I really like the first chapter!.
I think the second chapter should be about!.!.!.!.
What she does as school!.
Skip the picture day!.!.!.!.
Just go straight to a "normal" school day!.!.!.!.
And incorporate in it something about her relationship with her dad!.!.!.
Like when she goes home after school, what goes down!.
Then in the 3rd chapter you could bring in the other kid!.
Make sure he has something which makes it really difficult for her to talk to him!.!.!. That will make it interesting!.!.!.!.
:)
AND, don't forget a twist towards the end!.
Before the climax!.
That would make it pretty good!. I thinko so!.
But don't take my word for it!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

kind of spoiled!?!? hehe just joking

its a pretty good beginning!!

if it gets published i know ill read it!=PWww@QuestionHome@Com